Is This the Most Embarrassing Thing a Dad Has Ever Done on Live TV? (Yes.)

By
Daaaaaaaad.
Daaaaaaaad.

Is there anything more embarrassing than being a preteen and having your Dad allude to, acknowledge, or outright mention sex in any of its many forms? Yes. Having your dad allude, on live television, to all the hand-sex you’ll soon be having, while you stand there wishing for death’s sweet release.

An Upper East Side man and his son were stopped by the CBS New York crew on Saturday to be interviewed about what they were doing out in the blizzard.

“We just came from shopping on L’Occitane, it’s the only store that’s open on 86th street, because my man here did so well on his test he just wanted some hand lotion and we went up and got it, but now they’re closing,” reasons the Dad. His son, adorable, gap-toothed, and mortified beyond recognition, just awkwardly laughs.

“Now let me ask you: you got good marks, and you wanted hand lotion?” asks the newscaster. And then, as a dreadful sense of recognition dawns on him: “I guess because it’s cold, right?” he offers. The kid nods. “We have to make sure our hands stay moisturized,” says the Dad, who apparently is so thoroughly Upper East Side it never occurred to him to just buy a bottle of Jergens from Duane Reade.

Next time you’re on your way back from buying fancy hand lotion to be used for dubious purposes, maybe don’t stop to do an interview about what’s in the bag.

This has been Portraits of Privilege.