And the Award for Biggest Bae of the Night Goes To …

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Photo: Jeff Kravitz

Tonight’s Oscars were — on the whole — nothing to write home about. With beauty and fashion that underwhelmed, live performances punctuated by cracking voices and weird acrobatics, and, of course, the general awkwardness that was a mostly white audience laughing at jokes meant to make them squirm, Hollywood’s biggest night was eh, whatever. It’s almost bedtime. Another week begins and the show (the real one, the one called life, man) goes on.

Though Chris Rock was undoubtedly the Oscars saving grace and only worthwhile entertainment, there was a fair share of eye candy to keep the night moving smoothly, eye candy that occasionally had something dutifully woke to say. The show may be over, but the internets’ boyfriends never die, after all. And since we learned of our former boyfriend’s very real and very current girlfriend (Oscar Isaacwe see you), we’ve been in need of a new bae or a couple. After tonight, any of these will do, thank you.

Mark Ruffalo, Actor

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Award: Most Woke, But Not Offensively So

Eddie Redmayne, Actor

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Award: Sweetest Show of Support for a Female Co-star

David White, Sound Editor

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Photo: Kevin Winter

Award: Best Uninhibited Use of Puka Shells

Chris Rock, Actor and Host

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Photo: Kevin Winter

Award: Most Creative Turn of Phrase for “Sorority Racism”

Michael B. Jordan, Actor

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Photo: Kevin Winter

Award: Lifetime Achievement Award

Jacob Tremblay’s Dad, Dad

Award: Hottest Dad in Attendance

Jacob Tremblay, Actor

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Photo: Christopher Polk

Award: Cutest Kid Moment Upon Seeing Robots

Dev Patel, Actor

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Photo: Kevin Winter

Award: Don’t Call It a Comeback

Christian Bale and Matt Damon, Actors

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Award: Best Supporting Actors for Their Role As “Two Grown Men Sharing Thin Mints” During the Girl Scout Cookie Bit

Kevin Hart, Actor

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Photo: Kevin Winter

Award: The Lil’ Bae Prize