Ex-Boyfriends of the World Get Their Own Ken Dolls

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Hey, guys.
Hey, guys.Photo: LYST

With Mattel’s introduction of different-sized Barbies, personal shopping site Lyst thought it would be funny to mock up what realistic Ken dolls would look like. And though there’s no way in hell any of your exes deserve to be forever immortalized by having their likenesses turned into dolls, some of these guys look scarily familiar.

On the far left we have Cool Hair Guy, your college boyfriend you thought you’d spend forever with, trading literary barbs and sharing Parliament Lights before you realized he kind of had a drinking problem. The two blond guys in board shorts — Old Chubby Surfer and Young Fit Surfer — are variations on the same theme, but one you met on the Wildwood Boardwalk and the other you met at Splash, in 2009. Handsome Rich Guy of Ambiguous Ethnicity was your attempt at dating outside your immediate hipster circle, but he was into weird shit in bed; Bearded Lumbersexual was your subsequent reentry into the hipster dating market. And the guy all the way on the right? Awww, Socially Clueless Start-up Engineer was such a nice guy.

Conspicuously missing from this list: Aggressively Woke Guy, Free-spirited Guy Who’s Just Sleeping With You So You’ll Buy His Paintings Later, and Guy Dating You to Prove to Himself He’s Super-Feminist. Also, aside from Cool Hair Guy and Handsome Rich Guy of Ambiguous Ethnicity, apparently anybody not white.