San Francisco Votes to Give (Cool) Middle-Schoolers Condoms

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A thing that prevents diseases.
A thing that prevents diseases.Photo: Getty Images

CBS’s San Francisco affiliate reports, “The San Francisco Unified School District board voted unanimously on Tuesday to make condoms available to all middle school students,” a decision that will undoubtedly turn all Bay Area preteens into total sluts.

Just kidding. This is actually amazing legislation because yay for safe sex! And it’s not like they’ll be handing out condoms to questionably pubescent kids willy-nilly. Any middle-school student who wants free condoms has to first meet with a nurse or a social worker for education and counseling before they can get the goods.

The most disturbing part of CBS’s report is that they found that Bay Area high-schoolers, who have been provided free condoms at school since 1992, are way less sexually active than the average American teen. Only 26 percent of San Francisco high-schoolers are sexually active. The national average is 46.8 percent.

We can draw two important conclusions from this:

1. Providing free condoms at school doesn’t make teens more likely to do sex things.

2. San Francisco teens are nerds.