Millennials Discover Napkins Are Just Small Paper Towels

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Napkin? Paper towel? Who even knows!?
Napkin? Paper towel? Who even knows!?Photo: NBC/Getty Images

Ah, those wacky millennials! They don’t eat cereal because it involves washing dishes. They prefer exercise to binge-drinking! When they do drink, they choose to imbibe that fancy European grape juice known as wine. And things get a little quirky when they start their own media companies!

And now, according to the Washington Post, they don’t use napkins.

Fifteen years ago, six in ten households purchased napkins. Now, only four in ten do.

Honorary millennial Martha Stewart has some opinions on the best way to wipe your face and/or protect your lap while eating: “No paper. I am totally against paper unless you are having a bagel for breakfast on the run. I use cloth napkins or beautiful old dish towels that are ironed. I have a huge collection of fine linens, too.”

Why are the millennials ignoring the advice of lifestyle goddess Martha? And what do these adult children do when they need to dab a dribble of wine off their chin? Or the sweat off their forehead after a long workout?

According to the marketing director of Georgia-Pacific, a napkin company, millennials use paper towels instead of napkins because “it’s one less thing to buy.” Furthermore, “Millennials eat more on the go, they eat more meals away from home and less around a table.”

More likely, millennials are too smart to be fooled by the marketing techniques of Big Napkin. After all, napkins are just inferior paper towels. Really makes you think.