Only Martha Stewart Is Allowed to Hoverboard

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The hoverboarding goddess herself, Ms. Martha Stewart
The hoverboarding goddess herself, Ms. Martha StewartPhoto: Martha Stewart/Twitter

Martha Stewart, clad in an oversize tunic, gracefully slides across the marble floor on her pal Aziz’s hoverboard*. An unknown man, perhaps a past lover or an assistant or both, holds her hand to keep her steady. After all, she’s had a glass or two of Champagne. And the anonymous man is just backup, for hoverboarding is “really easy,” Stewart coos. Her only concern is the antiques that surround her; she doesn’t want to break them. But so what if she does? Through their destruction, she’ll be creating a new history, forever claiming her place in the hoverboard hall of fame.

*This post has been corrected to show that the owner of the hoverboard is Aziz al Nasser, not Aziz Ansari.