Sorry, Men: Robots Won’t Be Rendering Sex With Other Humans Obsolete Anytime Soon

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Utterly unfuckable
Utterly unfuckable

For centuries, straight men have been looking for new technologies to combat one central problem: the desire to have sex with human women. And who can blame them? Women are difficult, with all those opinions and thoughts and desires and feelings! And the anxiety of courting a woman? Ahhhhh!

Two weeks ago, Sophia the robot made headlines with her “lifelike” exterior and ability to emote more than your ex. She was created to “assist with health care,” but isn’t that how so many pornos begin? Then, last week, we heard news of a man who designed a robot to look like actress Scarlett Johansson. Finally came the VR porn masturbation suit, which allows you to feel like you’re having sex with a human woman without ever having to go near one.

But to those who felt so hopeful about the prospect of eliminating heterosexual sex, Motherboard has some bad news for you: A recent Stanford University study found that human subjects felt pretty uncomfortable when a robot asked them to grab the robot’s genitals and butt. Here’s a video, which is the weirdest robot porno you will ever see:

While the study didn’t investigate why, exactly, people were uncomfortable, it does suggest that robots won’t eliminate the anxiety of sex after all. Sorry, nerds!