Donald Trump Says Hair Spray Is ‘Not Like It Used to Be’

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Photo: John Moore

There are many reasons to be baffled by presidential candidate and Gemini Donald Trump, but perhaps his beauty routine is the most puzzling. How can someone so wealthy appear so dehydrated and crunchy at all times? Does it have to do with his obsessive use of hair spray? During a rally in Charleston, Trump revealed some details about his hair-care routine to an audience of coal miners.

That is great. My hair looks OK. I got a little spray. Give me a little spray. You know you’re not allowed to use hairspray anymore because it affects the ozone. You know that, right? I said, ‘You mean to tell me’ — because you know, hairspray’s not like it used to be. It used to be real good. When I put on that helmet — and by the way, look [pats own hair] it really is mine. Lookit. My hair. Give me a mirror. Today ya put the hairspray on and it’s good for twelve minutes, right? They say you can’t — I said, ‘Wait a minute, so if I take hairspray and I spray it in my apartment which is all sealed, you’re telling me that affects the ozone layer?’ Yes? I say no way folks. No way.

Wow, really makes you pine for the olden days when Aquanet flowed freely and the economy was perfect.