Weird, My Boyfriend Forgot to Buy Me This 1,109-Carat Diamond

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One day this will all be mine
One day this will all be minePhoto: Spencer Platt

Every single targeted ad for unique, ethical, vintage engagement rings that’s been showing up on my Facebook feed incessantly since I hit the tender age of 25 can take a seat, because I’ve found exactly what I’m looking for.

Measuring the size of a tennis ball and 1,109 carats, the 2.5 billion-year-old Lesedi la Rona diamond was discovered in Botswana back in November and put up for auction at Sotheby’s on June 28 — though it failed to sell. The minimum reserve price was $70 million, but the best anyone could scrounge up was a weak $61 million.

Sotheby’s, I can give you $100 and a half-chewed pack of gum. This is my final offer.