Adult Cake-Smashing Is Perfect for You If You Want to Be an Adult Baby Without All the Weird Sex Stuff

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Photo: Joan Vicent Canto Roig

From the moment you’re born until the moment you shuffle off this mortal coil, you’re subject to an endless barrage of cultural trends. Take babies, who have unknowingly been participating in the cake smash trend. The cake smash involves giving a baby a tiny personalized cake on their first birthday that they will consume via destruction, because they lack the sense of shame and fine-motor skills that would allow them to eat it any other way. The parents are happy because they have documented their offspring being adorable and posted the photos to social media and the baby is happy because cake is fucking delicious.

Now, the Washington Post reports that adult cake-smashing is on the rise, because some people decided they’re not going to sit back and let these dumb babies get all the attention. And so, fully grown humans are staging photo shoots on their birthdays — usually their 30th — during which they dress up in something whimsical and then smash a cake. Here are some examples:

You know, whatever. Babies have excellent lives. They get a ton of sleep and food and love, and don’t have to worry about the things that fill adults with visceral anxiety — like melting polar ice caps, retirement plans, and getting ghosted on. If acting like a baby makes you forget about the swift passage of time that will come for us all, by all means, smash that cake.