Ben Affleck’s Face Struggles to Keep Up With His Rage

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Photo: Courtesy of YouTube/Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons

Ben Affleck: His visage may change, but inside he remains the same old Boston-sports fan, as evidenced by his fully insane appearance on Bill Simmons’s new HBO show last night.

As he raged on about the Patriots’ “Deflategate” for five essentially uninterrupted minutes — screaming profanities, slurring a little, the works — his face remained placid. All smooth sailing between the temples. If you haven’t watched the video yet, you should, but in the meantime, here are some real quotes and real stills from the performance.

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Ben AffleckPhoto: Courtesy of YouTube/Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons

“They’re not the FBI. You’re not required. This isn’t a federal fucking subpoena!”

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Ben Affleck.Photo: Courtesy of YouTube/Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons

“MAYBE TOM BRADY IS SO FUCKING CLASSY AND SUCH A FUCKING GENTLEMAN THAT HE DOESN’T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT HE MAY HAVE REFLECTED ON HIS REAL OPINION OF SOME OF HIS COWORKERS.”

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Ben Affleck.Photo: Courtesy of YouTube/Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons

“Fuckin’ Eli. Eli did a whole layout with the New York Times. A whole cute spread about ‘what goes into an Eli football.’ … Nobody even thought to think that there was something wrong with that!”

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Ben Affleck.Photo: Courtesy of YouTube/Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons

As you can see, it was a wild night for Ben. Hopefully everything settles down soon.