Enterprising Man Turns Jerking Off in Public Restrooms Into Volunteer Opportunity

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On Sunday, the New York Post brought us the inspiring story of 40-year-old Ari Nagel, a one-man sperm bank: The CUNY Kingsborough math professor has 22 children with 18 different women. Some of them were conceived via intercourse, while others came into the world after Nagel masturbated into an Instead Softcup and handed it over to the mom-to-be to insert into her cervix.


The aforementioned sperm handoff will often happen near a public restroom — say, in the Atlantic Terminal Target — due to safety concerns from women who don’t want to meet in his apartment. So yes, while you were elbowing fellow customers to get to the last Threshold throw pillow and then eating a personal pan pizza to recover from the stress, the miracle we call life was being created in the very same establishment.

Though Nagel alleges that he tells women ahead of time that he won’t have any paternal financial obligations, he’s been successfully sued by five women for child support payments. “My kids got left in the dust. You can’t co-parent with 20-something kids,” Crystal, 45, who has two children by Nagel told the Post. He has different levels of involvement in each of his biological children’s lives, and has yet to meet some of them.

As for whether having sired 22 children affects his dating life, he says that it’s rarely an issue. “Never underestimate the desperation of a single woman on the Upper West Side,” Nagel said. (That sound you hear is every woman reading this article hissing at that quote in unison.)

Nagel insists that his motives are purely altruistic, saying, “I just love seeing how happy the moms and kids are … that’s why I do this. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.”

“I feel like [I’m] getting all the joy [of having kids], but also getting a good night’s rest,” he added — so, maybe it’s not entirely altruistic. Though we would still watch the hell out of this guy’s TLC show, Bathroom Daddy.