Attention: Anna Wintour’s Garden Is Sick

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What a dump.
What a dump.Photo: Ricardo Labougle/T Magazine

While most of us are busy letting our trendy succulents expire slowly in their macramé holders, Anna Wintour is creating a vision straight out of The Shining’s maze scene in her backyard. Read it and weep, fellow people who can barely keep a cactus alive: According to T magazine, the Condé Nast artistic director enlisted “the highly sought-after garden designer Miranda Brooks” to create a freakin’ wonderland on her property.

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Photo: Ricardo Labougle/T Magazine

Brooks is a protégé of the “famously grand (and widely feared) [garden] designer Arabella Lennox-Boyd” — people fear garden designers? — and under her direction, this allegedly modest by Hamptons standards plot “on the wrong side of the highway … in a modest town unfashionably distant from the area’s white-sand beaches” has blossomed. The 40 acres play host to fancy-sounding plants like “Artemisia ludoviciana Silver King” and meandering paths.

Brooks is given to Amanda Chantal Bacon–like aphorisms, noting at one point that “women should touch the leaves of rosemary and black currant every day.” Perhaps it’s from there that Wintour derives her immense power?

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Photo: Courtesy of T Magazine