Ali Wong Gets Real About Work/Life Balance at Opening Ceremony

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Ali Wong at Opening Ceremony’s Pageant of the People.Photo: Kate Warren/The Washington Post/Getty Images

Opening Ceremony’s Pageant of the People was filled with funny women who spoke out on a variety of topics ranging from feminism to fashion to immigration. Comedian and actress Ali Wong, who already has a history of cracking hilarious jokes about pregnancy, miscarriages, and parenthood, decided to tackle the one question all women get: How do you balance work and personal life?

The short answer? Nannies that cost her $3,000 a month. Wong, though, was also quick to skewer the different expectations and rewards that exist for mothers versus fathers. Men, she said, never get asked how they balance their family and career but are praised for the occasional diaper change. “When my baby girl was first born, I would do skin-on-skin contact to bond with her … she’d shit on my chest,” she said. “Where’s my trophy at?”

Considering she’s the one who gets pooped on, someone please give this woman her well-deserved trophy already.

Watch Wong’s bit below or scroll down to read the full transcript:

Fred Armisen: How do you balance family and career?

Ali Wong: How do I balance family and career? People ask me that all the time. Men never get asked that question because, they don’t. They just ignore the child and that’s perfectly, socially acceptable.

But dads get so much praise for doing so little. My husband occasionally changes diapers and people, they can’t believe it. They’re like, Oh my gahhhd. I cannot believe that your husband changes diapers. What a doting, modern father. When my baby girl was first born, I would do skin-on-skin contact to bond with her … she’d shit on my chest. Where’s my trophy at?

Real talk: This is how I balance family and career — I have a nanny. Yes, I have a nanny and then I work my ass off to pay for the nanny. She’s $3,000 a month so I gotta hustle. My husband and I, we both got to work very hard to not take care of our child ourselves. Thank you.