Droop: Your Guide to Eating, Drinking, Dressing, and Relaxing Like Drake

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Photo: Courtesy of Instagram/champagnepapi

Nowadays, it seems like every celebrity worth their artisanal salt has a lifestyle blog of their very own. But there is one person conspicuously absent from the lifestyle-blogging sphere: Drake. Which is a shame, because if anyone knows how to live like a God — a 6 God, specifically — it’s Drizzy himself, a tastemaker so decisive and influential that he literally turned his birthday into a lifestyle. And so, in the spirit of Goop, we give you Droop. On this brisk fall day, step up your game with some lifestyle tips from Champagne Papi:

Wear:

… Attire with a bird on it.

Declare your allegiance to OVO with the brand’s signature owl logo.

… Puffer jackets and turtlenecks.

Perfect for chilly Toronto winters as well as air-conditioned, luminescent dancing cubes.

Sports jerseys.

Remember, there’s no shame in being a bandwagon fan.

… Whatever bae’s wearing.

Splurge:

… On solid-gold Air Jordans.

Even more lavish than a solid-gold dildo (sorry, Gwyneth).

… On really big rings.

For your really big team.

… On novelty tattoos.

Inspired by plush toys and emoji.

Unwind:

… With a refreshing ice-cube bath.

More swag than an ice pack.

… By the infinity pool.

Custom poolside robe required.

Do:

… Dance.

Like a dad chaperoning a school dance.

… Get swoll.

Werk werk werk werk werk.

… Support the Toronto Raptors.

And catch a courtside glimpse of the team’s “global ambassador.”

… Practice your pong.

With a solid-gold racket, natch.

Travel

… To Drake’s Houston nightclub.

Where you can celebrate “the culture of dancing” (just don’t call it a strip club).

… To the 6ix.

Nowhere else matters.

Eat:

… At Toronto’s finest establishments.

Such as Fring’s, Drake’s very own (potentially RiRi-inspired) eatery.

… At “Cheesecake.”

For when you know you’re going to fight with boo, but you don’t want to get into a dust-up at French Laundry.

Drink:

… Bottles of $7,000 Champagne.

The 24-hour Champagne diet: Drake encourages you to try it.

Drake’s own Virginia Black Whiskey.

For when you run out of $7,000 Champagne bottles and need to hit the harder stuff.

Celebrate:

… With on-trend alphabet balloons.

An Instagram-friendly party accessory.

… Mama’s birthday, cause she raised you real good.

The most important day of the year.

Groom

… Always carry a lint roller.

In case of a courtside fuzz emergency.

… Make bold facial-hair choices.

RIP Drake’s beard — gone, but not forgotten.

Drake, if you’re reading this, it’s not too late — droop.com is still up for grabs. Please make this happen.