Nation’s Dad Roasts Teenage Daughters for Obsessive Texting

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President Obama came for Sasha and Malia during a speech at Benjamin Banneker Academy High School.Photo: Anadolu Agency/Getty Images

Dad-in-chief Barack Obama struck again during a speech at Benjamin Banneker Academy High School in Washington, D.C., on Monday. “I know you may have been waiting here a while,” he told the assembled high-schoolers. “Good thing you all had your phones with you.” He then launched into an almost-too-perfect impression of teenage girls texting each other.

He went on to tease teens in general for being socially inept: “By now you’ve settled into the new year, adjusted to classes, preparing for spirit week, learning how to ballroom dance,” he said. “I remember having to do that. Getting the nerve to text that cute boy or girl in your English class. I don’t remember that — we did not have texts. We had to send little notes. And then we used to actually have to go up to somebody if we liked them and talk to them, so that may happen to you someday.”

Maybe, but not before they all die of secondhand embarrassment.