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  • 7/11/14 at 11:50 AM
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Which World Cup Player Inspires So Much Fan-Fic?

Manuel Neuer is World Cup erotica’s main muse.

Do you happen to have a thing for Manuel Neuer? The erotic fan-fiction world does. The imaginative writers of World Cup smut love this German goalie. He is their muse, their Helen of Troy. As he stopped a thousand shots, he launched a thousand one-shots (individual fan-fiction stories). An incomplete, but enthusiastically anthropological, survey into the world of World Cup erotica indicates that, of all the handsome footballers, Manuel Neuer is the man who inspires the most sultry fantasies. 

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20 Sexy Freakum Dresses to Wear Now

Do as Queen Bey says.

When it comes to dressing for a special night out, it can be challenging to find a truly wow-’em dress that makes us look good without trying too hard. The key is the right style — something that looks chic with just the right bit of sexy. So this summer, in time for the Cut’s Summer Sex Week (and many a sultry summer date-night), follow the words of our esteemed Queen Bey and “pull out the big gun and put your freakum dress on.” We’ve searched through hundreds of dresses, eschewing the predictable bandage styles for ones with a little more personality (and coverage).

From pieces with unusual hemlines to show-stopping embroidered numbers, click through our slideshow for the best freakum dresses of summer.

Can You Tell If These Men Just Had Sex? A GIF Quiz

A facial-expression test. 

How well can you recognize the expression of a post-coital dude? Can you spot that sparkle a mile away or do you need a close-up? Well, practiced connoisseur of bro smirks and gentlemanly grins, here is a test for you.

We offer the following guide to facial expressions in the form of a quiz, with handy GIFs as illustrations. This way, you can study the loop of possibly post-coital faces for as long as you need to before reaching your conclusion.

Without further ado: Did this man just have sex? 

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Your Survival Guide for Outdoor Sex

What if a bear interrupts? Or the police? Or a horde of bees?

In summer, any leisure activity enjoyed indoors easily becomes an outdoor activity: eating, boozing, watching the movies, having the sex. That’s right, when the temperature rises, it means people can finally answer the primal urge within to do as our first ancestors did, and treat the whole natural world as our bone zone. “It’s warm!” the body thinks. “Let’s have sex by the rivers, lakes, mountain peaks, and lush, fertile valleys all over this great nation.”

Well, not to be a total doomsayer here, but remember: Once you leave the sanctity of your apartment — a safe, controlled environment — it’s a wild, variable sexual space. Imagine you’re bedding down in a nice patch of grass in a public space or campsite and a bear charges, or a horde of bees appears, or a conservative neighbor sees you — do you know what to do? Well, in case your scout training fails you, the Cut offers our guide to surviving outdoor-sex disaster scenarios. Remember, luck favors the well prepared and sexually adventurous.

What to do if... »

50 Sexy Summer Songs to Get You in the Mood

Bow chicka wow-wow.

To round out our Hot Summer Sex Week, the Cut brings you 50 songs to soundtrack the season of love. Our playlist is full of tracks to get you the mood —  and songs just about the deed itself. A mix of tracks from musicians throughout the ages, you'll hear records from contemporary soulful musicians like Janelle Monáe and FKA Twigs, classic oldies as far back as Nina Simone, disco jams circa Diana Ross, and the angsty heartache of '90s girls Fiona Apple and Cat Power. Of course, we had to cover all the bases and squeeze in a few '80s hip-hop and R&B throwbacks, too — yes, including that infamous one from Channing Tatum's Magic Mike striptease. Click here or press play below for the full playlist. Enjoy!

Men Get So Excited About Their Ice Cream!

A portrait series we will affectionately call "Men With Softees."

A few weeks ago, the Cut noticed a phenomenon that signaled the definite arrival of summer. Packs of men gamely poured out of their offices at lunch hour in search of Mister Softee trucks. Much like a pride of lions or gaggle of geese, these men congregated around their watering holes with ice-cream cones in astonishing numbers. The Cut assigned photographer Bek Andersen to roam the city in search of men with Softees, well-dressed gents with a childlike exuberance for soft-serve whose joy could not be contained or restricted by a suit. Click through our slideshow for evidence that you scream — and we all scream — for these men with ice cream.

Justin Theroux’s Junk Wins Summer Television

Happy Hump Day!

Have you been watching HBO's The Leftovers? It's very bleak. It will make you very sad, like the sun may never shine again. But where HBO has given us sadness and madness and souls in distress, they have also given us the sexiest moment in summer 2014 scripted television programming.  In honor of the Cut's Summer Sex Week, join us in shameless dong-watching as a brooding Justin Theroux jogs freely in perfectly draped sweatpants.

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22 Ways to Show Sex Without Actually Showing It

Don't worry; they're definitely SFW.

This week the Cut has been diving into hot summer sex more than might be advisable, requiring many sad searches for "sexy" images to accompany our articles. As is often the case when trading in visual shorthand, stock photography proved to be a cesspool of hilarious clichés. We combed through thousands of images to neatly categorize all the ways that stock agencies get around showing anything we might actually consider arousing. Killer sperm? Yes. Women eating stone fruits? Uh-huh. Animals mounting one another? Actually, a few of those are kind of sexy. From disembodied feet at the bottom of a bed to women straddling chessboards, click through our slideshow for the many colorful ways photo services illustrate sex. 

8 Perfect ‘Skin’ Scents for Hot Summer Love

Your skin, but better.

In the fragrance world, there are some scents described as "skin scents." Skin fragrances are scents that can only be smelled on the wearer when you're close enough to see her individual eyelashes or realize that she smells like an intoxicating mix of sunshine and vanilla cake. In honor of Summer Sex Week, here are our picks for sophisticated skin scents: from a gardenia perfume loved by Guns N' Roses and Winona Ryder to a cinematic, dewy rose scent inspired by the resting place of an Irish warrior poet. Take your cue from Halle Berry, who once told an interviewer her favorite place to apply perfume was on the inside of her thighs.

14 Sexy, Daring Pieces to Try This Summer

Bedroom eyes not included.

There are so many trends this summer that riff lightly on the theme of bondage, whether they're cutout harnesses, caged lace-up heels, even body jewelry. Here at the Cut, we would argue that there's something fun — empowering, even — about dressing in shades of dominatrix, be it a banded crop top, a carefully cut swimsuit, or simply a pair of killer heels. And so, in pursuit of  the most wearable but still provocative things — and, in honor of the Cut's Summer Sex Week — we rounded up our favorite items that feel inherently seductive, most of which are subtle enough to be worn with (or under) your everyday look. From delicate gold chains to wear peeking out from underneath a crisp cotton shirt to sexy summer lingerie and come-hither heels, we have you covered.

The Porn Flâneur: What Baudelaire and LubeTube Have in Common

For the viewer, the internet is a garden of carnal delight—and carnal anthropology. 

Consuming pornography in the age of YouPorn and ­PornTube—not to mention LubeTube, WankTube, YouJizz, Spankwire, LobsterTube, MelonsTube, and LazyPornTube—is to stumble through a sexual landscape that surprises as frequently as it arouses. These websites don’t just give you the erotic materials you’ve requested to mainline but a vast array of pop-up penises, oozing animations, and oscillating breasts that multiply in cascading windows with each click. Every pixel of this is calibrated specifically to lure you down another path of escalating depravity or curious delights.

The paths to pornographic discovery resemble Baudelaire’s intellectual ideal of the flâneur. »

The New Abstinence: Not Googling Your Date

Meet the singles saving Facebook-stalking for marriage. Or the third date, at least.

I got in a fight with one of my friends last month. Naomi had been on several dates with a new love interest when he asked if she’d watched YouTube clips of his stand-up comedy yet. “I said, ‘I have not Googled you because I’d rather get to know you as a real person,’” she told me via Gchat. Internet-stalking new acquaintances is, at this point, so ingrained that the idea of skipping the ritual actually alarmed me. Failure to look someone up online seemed almost rude, a sign of disinterest. Am I even capable of thinking about a topic — human, animal, vegetable, or otherwise — without performing a topic-adjacent Google search at some point?

“It’s the ultimate abstinence,” Naomi continued. “When everything is accessible, sometimes it’s hotter NOT to go there. What if waiting to Google is even hotter than building up tension before you have sex?”

The perils of too much information. »

Meet the Avon Ladies of Sex Toys

The folksy vibe of a sex-toy cottage industry.

As of Sunday night, I became the proprietor of a sex-toy e-commerce site called the SandBoxxx. I’ll be selling vibrators, toy cleaners, penis-themed novelty goods for bachelorette parties, and some classy-scented bath products — no business license required, and my new side hustle was up and running before the Game of Thrones finale even came on. All in all, a productive evening

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What to Do When You See Someone You Know on Tinder

It might be more awkward with the new photo function.

I saw a longtime friend on Tinder recently. Once I got over the shock of seeing a picture in which he has a visible penis line (and the shock of realizing he’s the kind of guy who posts visible-penis-line pictures on dating apps), I laughed and swiped right. We matched. “HAHAHAHAHA hi hottie,” I said. He replied with three cat-with-hearts-for-eyes emoji. The next time I saw him, we laughed about it. And then he made a pass at me.

I thought we’d swiped right in a sort of friendly, mutual acknowledgment — the equivalent of waving hello across a crowded bar when we are both busy flirting with other people. But he thought the wave itself was a flirtation, that my right swipe indicated a desire to add “benefits” to our friendship. I’d given positive feedback after seeing his penis line, after all.

Though online dating’s been around for a while, the etiquette around it is still evolving. (And now that Tinder has introduced a Snapchat-like photo-sharing function, the stakes are higher than ever!) And so, after inspecting my own habits and questioning others about theirs, I’ve concluded that there are six main strategies for reacting to a familiar face on an online dating app.

Wave-hello right swipe vs. narcissistic right swipe. »

There’s a Shaggin’ Wagon in San Francisco

Vrooom, vroom, here comes the sex truck!

Many tender love affairs have begun in the back of an automobile: Mom's steamy station wagon, Tommy's first Toyota, some dude's van. Hell, even a tour bus, if you're really living large.

Sadly, vehicular sex — like Target and Taco Bell drive-throughs — is something public-transit-reliant urban dwellers have to sacrifice when they leave the suburbs. But one San Francisco artist, Spy Emerson, wants to bring back car sex: hence the Hook-Up Truck, the first rentable bone zone on wheels.

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15 People on Sex and Rent

Tales of lust, harassment, and weird encounters in the lobby.

Sex and real estate: Both are plenty complicated on their own; combine them, and you're in for a messy situation. Still, city living drives some people to textbook-bad plans. Enduring vague sexual harassment to hold onto a rent-stabilized dream apartment? A tenant-with-benefits arrangement that satisfies both you and your super? A lease sealed with a kiss?

We don’t advise any of this — but in a rental market like New York's, we understand that things can get kind of crazy. Here are 15 stories from the intersection of sex and rent.

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Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC. All Rights Reserved. The Cut® are registered trademarks of New York Media LLC.

Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC.
All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.