10 Carjack a Mr. Softee truck.
9 Seek shade behind one of city's many shirtless fat guys.
8 Remind yourself that our current president is a former cheerleader -- this always causes one to shiver.
7 Form a mother-son grifter team; con an elderly woman out of her central-air-conditioned townhouse.
6 Take a dip in the Hudson and you're looking at a nice, cool ride in an ambulance, my friend!
5 Relax in breeze created by subscription cards falling out of this magazine.
4 Buy ice-cold venti frappuccino from Starbucks; pour it down pants; repeat.
3 If you can stand lame comedy, come sit in the climate-controlled comfort of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
2 Scalp tickets to The Producers -- use money to buy house in Hamptons.
1 Enjoy refreshing chill standing between Mayor Giuliani and Donna Hanover.