Attack of the Indiezilla

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Certainly the benefits of personalization are myriad: Rather than lining up a row of vendors, couples can write their own vows, make meaningful favors, and express their individuality. Take our friends Heather and Nelson, for example: She's a chef who loves a good party and can pull off a boa; he's a quiet painter who cuts hair in public as performance art. "Our whole wedding was inspired by Kay Nielsen's illustration from The Twelve Dancing Princesses," explains Heather. "The version of the story I loved as a kid was about twelve sisters who dance all night and sleep all day. The king promises one of his daughters' hands in marriage to any man who can solve the mystery. The unlikely hero, a romantic dreamer, sneaks into the ball and dances with one of the princesses all night. Just as her sisters are about to poison him to protect their secret, she saves him from the drink-they're in love! Party girl marries creative dreamer-get it?" True to the illustration, she wore a rococo ball gown and the ring bearer dressed as a genie.

Those couples who are excited by the prospect of creating their own day from scratch may be more likely than their traditional counterparts to work together on the planning. Typically, the majority of the organizing-no matter what kind of wedding-falls to the bride. But with a traditional wedding, it might be harder for a groom to get excited by details he finds especially feminine or "all the same." On the other hand, an indie wedding is specifically intended to reflect the indie nature of the couple, something the groom can take ownership of. No one we spoke with who wed outside the box talked of conflicts over decorations or vows; in fact, they all mentioned how they truly worked as a unified production team.

Of course, an unconventional event is not just about being indie; it's also a way to set yourself apart from a million other weddings of white gowns and "Chicken Dance"s. And there's a historical precedent for this: As Kim (a.k.a. Mystique) points out, "Couples had celebrations in the old days because they didn't have written records. In order to remember, they had a community celebration so people could be counted on to vouch that they were married." She and Rob wanted something memorable, and they got it: "We meet strangers who've heard of our wedding," says Rob. "And every year friends and family ask us when we're going to throw the anniversary party."

But one potential problem with planning a wedding without the support of the wedding-industrial complex is just that: the lack of support. It took Kim and Rob ages to find a photographer who would shoot each of their guests in front of a blue screen (for use on their site, WeddingFromAnotherPlanet.com). Says Kim, "People in the industry are just not that flexible." And ultimately, they had to go with a photographer who didn't normally shoot weddings.

Outsourcing uniqueness can have a hefty price tag, too. "Take wedding cakes, for example," says Daisy Carrington, who writes the "Love Beat" column for the New York Observer. "Classic white tiered cakes can be found at a reasonable price. But the wild cakes that are sculpted to resemble a stack of books or designer shoes tend to go for $12 to $15 a slice, meaning a $1,200 to $1,500 wedding cake, minimum." But if you stick to your own budget-conscious path, it can be easier to avoid anything preceded by the word "wedding"-which usually means an automatic price hike. Gwynne and Gabe were the first of their friends to tie the knot, so not only did they have little to go on in terms of peer comparisons, they weren't exactly rolling in it, either. To save money, they served Indian food and had her father-conveniently a minister-perform the ceremony.

Doing things your own way often means doing things yourself as well. Kelly Bare, who's currently working on a how-to book about DIY weddings, knows firsthand some of the downfalls of the DIY approach. For her own recent wedding, she and her fiancé spent hours on homemade place cards. "I'm glad we did it, but they're in the trash now," says Bare. "We probably could've spent less time on that and more on something a little more meaningful, like tweaking our vows." She adds that creative types, like herself, also tend to like control: "You have to watch yourself or you may become that control-freak bitchy bride that nobody likes. And if you try to do it all, you risk losing perspective on the whole day."

Shoshana Berger, editor-in-chief of the stylish DIY magazine ReadyMade, admits that she, too, almost lost herself in the process. "My husband, Tony, and I conceived of everything ourselves, from the invitations to the favors, so we had to be a bit OCD to keep track of it all," she says. "At first it felt like a fun art project, but pulling it together was kind of hell. We were so beleaguered with details that we risked it becoming not about love and family-and that feels really crass." Fortunately, they were able to put this behind them on the actual day: "When you're in the weekend, you're on wedding crack and suddenly the details don't matter. The Gates of Paradise open, and it's one of the most important days of your life."