Attack of the Indiezilla

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"There's a fine line between being creative and being ridiculous," says Bare. "There's a difference between making your own bouquets and ordering six chocolate fountains and a team of trained swans to follow you down the aisle." To avoid crossing that line, she recommends selecting a recently married friend to be your sounding board, someone who is not afraid to tell you when you're being silly. "Not your mom, not your fiancé, and not your single friends, who understandably don't have the stomach for these conversations." Find someone you can ask, "Is this as big of a deal as I think?" or "Is this too much?" to keep you grounded.

To some extent, all weddings are narcissistic, theatrical endeavors whether you wear white lace or hot-pink PVC. "It's really easy for anybody, no matter what kind of wedding they're planning, to get caught up," says Lori Leibovich, founder of IndieBride.com, a thriving community of (mostly) women who are planning offbeat weddings. "Like any big production, a wedding takes a lot of time and effort. And there is so much pressure to make this event 'the best day of your life.' So if you get a little unhinged, I forgive you. It happened to me; it's happened to almost everyone I know."

Leibovich's fellow indie bride, Carolyn Gerin, co-author of The Anti-Bride Guide: Tying the Knot Outside of the Box, is irritated by the notion that unorthodox weddings don't take marriage seriously. "What isn't serious about an event that reflects who you are and what you love?" she asks. A San Franciscan who was incredibly moved by the mass of gay and lesbian couples lining up outside City Hall to finally make it official, Gerin believes that everyone deserves to be with the person they love in the way they want. "If you do something with intention and respect, nobody has a right to weigh in. If they pass judgment on your wedding, they're passing judgment on you."

After all, the intentions of just about any couple tying the knot are basically the same, whether they're standing on the steps of City Hall, walking down the aisle of their local church, or dancing in a horse costume: to celebrate their love for each other in the presence of friends and family. And even the funkiest of couples still rely on some traditions. In fact, most of the indie couples we spoke with ended up incorporating more traditions than they expected; some to keep the familial peace, others their own peace of mind. Plus, after a year of planning, some traditions may just start to grow on you-especially if you're already doing a few things your own way.

"Because of the site I edit," says Leibovich, "some people imagine that I got married barefoot on the beach with two people. But it was 200 people, it was a weekend event, it was incredibly traditional in a lot of ways. I just wanted to make sure that the wedding represented me and my husband and not someone else's wishes." And that's the key, says Gerin: that the wedding suits the couple. "If you're the kind of person who lives at the Ritz-Carlton, then the Ritz is great. But if you're a beach-and-flip-flops person and you end up at the Ritz, what are you trying to prove?" Although she admits couples are certainly entitled to step it up for such a big occasion, Gerin warns against losing personal styles, cultural backgrounds, or a true sense of yourself in the process. "Just because someone's a wedding planner doesn't mean they have better taste or style than you."

In the end, no matter how much fun you have skewering old traditions and inventing new ones, if you take the proceedings to heart, people will be moved. "People could see the love on our faces," says Kim, the costume-party bride. "And we felt very married afterwards." As for that two-person horse dance? Despite all the hoots that greeted the spectacle, one guest admits, "I was on the verge of tears because the symbolism of two becoming one was so romantic."

So go ahead: Get unhinged, offend your mother, disappoint your mother-in-law, hire a coordinator, hire two, be creative, be crazy, be obsessive, be demanding-hell, even be an indiezilla. All that counts is that when the big moment arrives, you're still sane enough to enjoy all that wedding crack. And the poached salmon, too.