Love Is a Battlefield

Page 5 of 5

The Mother-in-Law

Anonymous

The first time I met my mother-in-law, we were at a restaurant, and her big issue was that she wanted to sit next to her son and for her daughter to sit on his other side-she didn't want me to sit next to him. My husband was good enough to say, "I'm going to sit next to my girlfriend, Mom." And she started crying, which she does a lot, I've learned.

I thought, Well, if the mother doesn't like me, but the son does, that's all that matters. We were engaged four months later. When we shared the news with my mother-in-law, all she said was, "Your voice was so high-pitched when you told us. Did you eat some helium?" You hear mother-in-law stories all the time, but it didn't dawn on me that the woman would be crackers. Well, she is.

She wanted to hold the rehearsal dinner at this place in South Street Seaport, but when my husband and I said no because it looked like a bar, she sat down on the curb and cried. She also had a 250-person guest list, mostly people my father-in-law had gone to medical school with decades ago. She wanted to have her mother-son dance to the Prince song "When Doves Cry." We explained that the lyrics were sexual, but she insisted the song had meaning to her. I had to nix that one. She cried, of course.

Occasionally, my mother-in-law sneaked in under the radar. She changed the flowers for the wedding brunch, but I decided to leave that one alone. At the actual wedding, she wore a low-cut dress with a high slit up the side, which horrified my husband. She used to be heavy and had starved herself so she could fit into it.

Now that we're married, my mother-in-law comes to our home and wants to cook and clean for my husband. She always says, "Thank you for taking such good care of my son!" in this chipper voice. It irritates me, but I don't get mad or anything. I think of her as a gnat; I just want to push her away. Mothers-in-law can be very difficult because they perceive themselves, whether it's true or not, as the No. 1 woman in their son's life. You have to realize that it's pitiful. Listen, we're talking about a woman who wanted to dance to "When Doves Cry" with her son at his wedding- how are you not going to laugh at that?

It's easier if your husband isn't a mama's boy; mine's been sticking up for me for years, so it's not terrible. He always defends me 100 percent, but if he didn't, I don't know that I'd still be married.