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Nothing in Moderation

Twelve hotbeds of gluttony, intoxication, and other pursuits of the modern gentleman.

The Dive-Bar Regular

Short Trip: PhiladelphiaPBR
Philly offers opportunities for indulgence to the man with a love of debauched camaraderie but a disdain for the clichéd image of masculinity promoted by the forces of Big Light Beer. Indie clubs like the Khyber and bars like Sugar Mom's (a laid-back den of PBR and air hockey in the basement of an old sugar refinery) can be supplemented by more-traditional options, such as the 21-and-over bowling alley Lucky Strike Lanes and, of course, Atlantic City, 62 miles away.

Longer Trip: Austin
Famously chill and artsy, Austin still packs enough red-blooded attractions to meet the necessary macho quotient. Try the Salt Lick, an all-you-can-eat barbecue joint located fifteen miles out of town, followed by an afternoon of attempts to be subtle about female-scoping at the dammed river-slash-swimming pool in the middle of town. Live music joints define the nightlife, with Club DeVille's spacious patio acknowledged as a leader of the scene.

Longest Trip: Amsterdam
Amsterdam's appeal to the creatively indulgent male (hallucinogens, loose women, wide varieties of mayonnaise) are extensively documented elsewhere; not that there's anything wrong with those things, but for a slightly-off-the-beaten-path-to-the-head-shop experience, check out semi-underground rock clubs like Overtoom 301 or OCCII, or get sushi at Kaiko. And since it is a bachelor party, chasing Dutch co-eds at the Crea bar, a University of Amsterdam student hangout, should also be considered.

The Guy's Guy

Short Trip: Atlantic City
The area has a preponderance of games of chance, but other options include Pistol Pete's mechanical bull (union of those manly pursuits- rodeo and robot-building); Le Grand Fromage, a rock club said to be owned by a kung fu master and local politician; and, for the naturally or artificially energetic, Club Tru, open until noon the next day.

Longer Trip: Montreal Cards
Amsterdam without the hippie aspects, and as such ideal for the straight-shootin', strippers-and-poker-lovin' type. Avoid the hordes of American undergrads reveling in the 18-plus policies of spots like Club Super Sexe and the Peel Pub and class things up at the city's underrated casino, with breaks to check out Club Wanda's, the refined pervhound's strip club, and Les Princesses, the unrefined pervhound's naked-waitress breakfast spot (this is not a joke).

Longest Trip: Islay and Glasgowwhisky
Historically a world leader in alcohol and aggression. Sample the most pungent Scotches on Islay, a small island easy to drunkenly traverse. Schedule a Glasgow trip around a Celtics-Rangers football game, whose combination of athletic and religious rivalry makes it perhaps one of the most testosterone-heavy events possible. A short drive away is the barely monitored Dunnottar Castle, hewn from the side of a cliff, where William Wallace tortured and massacred his enemies.

The Millionaire Playboy

Short Trip: Manhattancigar
The world's center of wealth and thus the ideal locale for expensive dilettantism. Afternoon recreation: tennis on the 44th floor of the Millennium UN Plaza Hotel New York. Pregame: champagne and cigars at the Hudson Street Bar & Books. Evening's entertainment: New York Dolls. Late evening's entertainment: rental of a penthouse loft at the Soho Grand for commission of the unspeakable acts whose revelation will, years later, bring down political dynasties.

Longer Trip: South Beachrum
Though any hedge-fund-come-lately can buy his way into a Miami-club table next to Lil Jon, the discerning playboy can make his own exclusive scene by chartering a yacht, stocking up for the six-hour journey with copious amounts of "10 Cane" rum (the Hennessy Louis Vuitton brand), and sailing to Palm Beach and back.

Longest Trip: Buenos Aires
A pricey trip, but one that ends in piles of delicious steak and beautiful, sexually liberated women (for the groomsmen, of course) in a magical land-before-time financial environment where the dollar is still strong. For the steak, try Sucre or the Luger-like Cabana las Lilas. For the ladies, check out the ubiquitous swimwear and lingerie fashion shows or the Faena Hotel + Universe's burlesque tango cabaret on weekends.

The Outdoorsman

Short Trip: Montauk
Ideal for engaging in mankind's most cherished traditions: gluttony, alcoholism, and hunting under the guidance of a grizzled local. A charter called the Sea Otter can be rented for nighttime bass fishing for under $100 a person. Karaoke night at Liar's Saloon encourages drunken buffoonery, and for the truly experienced macho sportsman, Ditch Plains Beach is known as one of the best surfing spots on the East Coast.

Longer Trip: Prince Edward Island
The island off the Canadian Atlantic coast offers opportunities for scenic-coastline-gazing, whale-majesty-appreciating, and picturesque-lighthouse-contemplating as well as forms of outdoorsiness less frequently celebrated in poetry, like 26 golf courses and 26,000 (give or take) opportunities for devouring fresh shellfish.

Longest Trip: Taosgolf
Features a variety of luxurious resorts in a beautiful Rocky Mountain setting. Boring! Use those hotels as staging grounds for finding the real excitement: the Rio Grande Gorge, a section of the otherwise lazy and meandering river whose 500-foot cliffs enclose completely bad-ass white-water rafting opportunities. The Los Rios River Runners offer tours up to three days long. (For the outdoorsed-out, Santa Fe's casinos lurk about 30 miles south.)

Photographs: Frank Herholdt/Getty Images (Fish); Davies + Starr for New York Magazine (Whiskey); Homer Sykes/Getty Images (Bull Riding)


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