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This Way to Nowhere

No Internet, no TV, no phone, no nothing: a dozen dream destinations for a truly off-the-radar honeymoon.


Lakshman Sagar, India  

Raipur, India
The dizzying, nonstop bustle of New Delhi feels a million miles away from Lakshman Sagar (from $350; sewara.com), a nineteenth-century hunting lodge turned conservation retreat, stretched across 32 acres in rural central India (a.k.a. the badlands). The property blends beautifully into the barren environs—green architects Revathi and Vasant Kamath used indigenous materials to construct the dozen mud-and-stone guest cottages—and features plenty of local handiwork, like embellished Zenana tables inspired by the colorful style of Rajasthani women. Take a lesson in yoga or meditation, trek through the surrounding badlands on horseback, bring a picnic lunch (the hotel will pack it for you) to nearby Fort Bagri, or try to spot a sloth bear, a langur (a slender gray monkey named after a Hindu god), or a chinkara (Indian gazelle) at the Todgarh Raoli Wildlife Sanctuary. No one will judge you, of course, if you opt simply to loiter by the pool and admire the surrounding desert’s foothills.
Need to rewire? The property has no TVs, Wi-Fi, or cell-phone service. To log on, you can hit the Internet cafés in the town of Raipur, five minutes away.


andBeyond on Mnemba Island  

Mnemba Island
Zanzibar, an archipelago off the coast of Tanzania, has a removed-from-reality quality that has drawn romance-seekers for years; but nearby Mnemba Island takes it one step further. This private isle in the Indian Ocean is a beachcomber’s dreamscape with shimmering talc-soft sands, calm azure waters, and a dazzling coral reef ideal for snorkeling. The luxurious privacy of the andBeyond resort (from $790 per person; andbeyond.com) comes with a hefty price tag, but it’s justified. You stay in one of ten private beachfront bandas with palm-frond roofs, huge stone showers, and verandas where breakfast is served. Swim and snorkel among the vibrant marine life (bottlenose dolphins and coconut crabs) of the Mnemba reef; kayak; scuba dive (two daily trips are included); then take a sunset cruise on a dhow. At night the hotel offers mchanga ngome, which is beach dining in a lounge area built from sand.
There are no TVs on the island. You can get intermittent cell-phone reception in the manager’s office, and the central guest area has Wi-Fi.


Nicaragua
Nicaragua may have had a tumultuous political history, but today, the Central American country is safer—and more inviting—than ever. Nicknamed the “land of lakes and volcanoes,” the lush terrain could just as well be called the land of dense jungles and immaculate beaches. Aqua Wellness Resort’s “tree-house” suites (from $130; aquanicaragua.com) are built into the forest canopy, and the private Redonda Bay beach, a haven for nesting turtles, sprawls below. Each suite features a plunge pool and wraparound deck, but even better, there’s no TV, phone, or stable Inter-net connection to distract you from the on-site yoga, organic restaurant, spa, or vast array of local tour options. Continue your idling on the tranquil Little Corn Island, which has no cars and is located 50 miles off the mainland. Check in at the aptly named Farm Peace & Love (from $75; farmpeacelove.com), a six-guest property that grows organic produce and has chickens, goats, and horses. Explore the island on horseback or walk just three minutes to dive shop Derek’s Place; then spend your days swimming, snorkeling, and scuba diving in the surrounding coral reefs.
Aqua Wellness has a steady Wi-Fi zone only in its reception and restaurant/bar areas. At Farm Peace & Love, there is no landline or cell-phone connection, but you can pay for access to Wi-Fi.


Cresto Ranch, Colorado  

Colorado Rockies
John Denver knew a good thing when he saw it. The Rocky Mountains are rife with babbling streams, dramatic snow-capped peaks, boundless sky, and clusters of pines that would have sent painter Bob Ross into a creative frenzy. Arranged around an alpine clearing, the eight luxury tents of Cresto Ranch (from $1,400, all-inclusive; duntonhotsprings.com) are a far cry from traditional camping. Each has a gas stove and soaking tub, as well as a wraparound porch for taking in the San Juan Mountains. In the milder months, ride bikes or horses, fly-fish, rock climb, or log spa time indoors (the hot-rock massage at the nearby Dunton Hot Springs bathhouse uses stones from the neighboring riverbed) and outside (at the hot springs on the side of a mountain). Rocky Mountain high, indeed.
There are no TVs, cell service, or Wi-Fi at Cresto Ranch, but a four-mile walk to Dunton Hot Springs will earn you an Internet connection.

Patagonia
Avowed adventurers know all about the lure of mythical Patagonia. This meandering and widely varied swath of southern Chile and Argentina is wilderness at its most magnificent, and at the secluded Patagonia Camp (from $320 per person; patagoniacamp.com), there is nothing to do but revel in it. With views of the Paine Massif granite peaks and enormous Lake Toro, each fully appointed yurt boasts a private terrace shaded by beech trees. Twenty minutes away is the renowned Torres del Paine National Park, where you can hike and see the Base de las Torres, Laguna Azul, and the Salto Grande waterfall. You can also fish at the lake and horseback ride along the Cerro Tenerife. In the evening, head to the camp’s quincho (grilling area) for a traditional Patagonian lamb barbecue.
The yurts themselves have no TV, Wi-Fi, or cell reception, but you can pick up a Wi-Fi signal in the lobby.

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