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Bill of Honor

A New York bridesmaid tabulates a year’s worth of expenses. Brides, take note!

WEDDING NO. 1
Engagement-party gift: $200
Contribution to shower party plus gift: $175
Contribution to destination bachelorette party: $140
Bachelorette-party gift (lipstick vibrator): $40
Periwinkle polyester dress from RK Bridal, size 14: $210
Massive alterations (since I’m actually a size 2): $50
Shoes: $50
Hair and makeup: $85
Wedding gift (bride asked for cash): $150
Total: $1,100


WEDDING NO. 2
Contribution to shower gift: $80
Travel to shower: $50
Shower favors: $150
Shower games (“Bridal Shower Bingo,” “Bride/Groom Trivia,” etc.) and prizes (candles, Gap socks, Milano cookies—I was desperate): $75
Gift for second shower (lingerie and The Catholic Cookbook—a gag gift—and Altared): $53
Share of limo for bachelorette party: $90
Limo-cleaning fee because bride had fifteen drinks, passed out in bar, and vomited like the girl in The Exorcist all over car: $90
Two-piece lavender beaded frock plus alterations: $205
Travel to wedding: $20
Overpriced hotel: $800
Share of three days’ parking: $40
Wedding gift (bride asked for cash): $300
Photos for the bride: $40
Hair and makeup: $100
Total: $2,093


WEDDING NO. 3
Engagement gift (home-delivered Omaha steaks): $50
Bridesmaid’s dress (off the rack!): $105
Shower gift: $150
Share of bachelorette party (indoor rock climbing at Sport-O-Rama in New Jersey): $40
Bachelorette dinner and drinks (cheap total, as the breast-feeding bridesmaids couldn’t drink—score!): $60
Wedding gift (cash, again): $350
Hair and makeup: $100
Total:$855


GRAND TOTAL: $4,048

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