Illustrations by Kagan Mcleod
In June, former Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen’s new sitcom, Anger Management—adapted from the 2003 Adam Sandler movie—will premiere on FX. Under an innovative syndication deal, if the first ten episodes are successful, the show, in which Sheen plays a shrink helping patients deal with their tempers, will be renewed for 90 more. Here’s an exclusive, completely made-up preview.
Episode 1: Anger Management’s debut is unexpectedly smart, funny, and free of cheap shots at Sheen’s former co-workers at Two and a Half Men.
Episode 3: Sheen breaks character and delivers a 22-minute PowerPoint presentation on the quality of Ashton Kutcher’s movies.
Episode 11: Success! The first ten episodes are a hit, and the show’s picked up for an additional 90. Sheen celebrates by temporarily relocating the production to the VIP lounge at the Viper Room.
Episode 20: Sheen decamps to India in search of real tiger blood but gets distracted in Bangkok.
Episode 34: Sheen’s homage to Girls sends cupcake futures plummeting.
Episode 40: Anger Management’s special “Torpedo of Truth” live episode ends in tragedy when one of Sheen’s goddesses is killed by a projectile vegetable.
Episodes 43-56 His brother, Emilio Estevez, fills in while Sheen disappears to shoot a half-season guest role on Lifetime’s The Client List.
Episode 59: For the show’s Hawaiian-family-vacation episode, Sheen kidnaps Manny from Modern Family and Don Draper’s kids. Child Protective Services intervenes mid-luau.
Episode 85: Having exhausted the narrative possibilities of the original Anger Management concept, Sheen buys the rights to another Adam Sandler movie.
Episode 86: When Sheen and some production money mysteriously vanish over a Cinco de Mayo weekend, producers are left with no choice but to air the Spanish-dubbed version of the previous week’s episode.
Episode 100: Hoping to avoid the ambiguity of some notably disappointing TV finales, Sheen reveals the secret of the Lost island, solves Rosie Larsen’s murder, and performs an autopsy on Tony Soprano.