how dey do dat?
Aug. 25, 2014
David Rees on How to Make Your Own TV Show The host of the wonderfully DIY series Going Deep With David Rees reveals all.
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Unclean Sweetbreads and“Hugh enters the kitchen doing his best Michael Ian Black imitation.”
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Sourdough Starters and Tom’s“Sheldon plays a ukulele, which is like a ‘starter’ for people who can’t get their act together and learn guitar. “
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Ships, Icebergs, and Scylla and“Lizzie is adding bacon to her iceberg lettuce. She’s also adding anchovies, which are a type of sea creature. According to my calculations, this means her dish will be salty.”
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Naked Sushi and Human Centipede “Our gang walks into the kitchen and sees a bunch of fish and sea creatures lying on a bed of ice. Is it a mafia-style warning?”
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Restaurant Wars and UnderstandingIf there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that raw fish doesn’t look good on TV. But Emeril, who can’t see the dish on TV, loves it.
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Healthy Food and Sexy Knives“The winning dish will, in turn, inspire a new Healthy Choice ‘Café Steamer,’ which sounds like a sex act from a French frat house. “
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Oyster Bogs and Old Turkey BonesThis week, the chefs go to a Roller Derby match and watch the women slam into each other and use bad language.
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Beautiful Berries and Shredded“The chefs drive to an old property called Remlinger Farms. It looks poverty-stricken and dilapidated, like a meth lab with cows.”
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Marilyn Hagerty and Missing the“Stefan and Kristin flirt. Somebody burns a spatula handle. Paul McCartney sings with Nirvana, or so Twitter tells me.”
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Vegan Sushi and Artisanally Candied“I thought Seattle artisans would be young and skinny-jeaned. Am I guilty of artisan-profiling?”
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on a Handsy Padma and Old-Timey“They are reincarnating old dishes! This is going to be a GHOST DINNER FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.”
Top Chef Seattle Recap: David Rees on Personal Branding and GeopoliticalThe teams must prepare their dishes before the Space Needle completes a full rotation. It’s like something out of Dr. No .
Top Chef Seattle Recap: And We’re Off!Top Chef continues to represent an upper-middlebrow trashy sensibility that purees accessibility, celebrity, and actual talent in a back-stabbery broth of semi-sophistication.
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: David Rees on the Finale“The chefs toast their amazing journey and that’s that: ‘Around the World in 80 Plates’ concludes its first and only season. Yeah, I’m calling it.”
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: David Rees on Empanadas and the“Did you know there’s a very particular way one should attach a goat carcass to an iron cross before cooking it by an open fire? I didn’t — maybe because I’m not an Argentinian Satan-worshipper?”
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: David Rees on Dim Sum and Demon Chefs “I can feel them judging me as I grind more pizza into my snark-hole while wearing my second-cleanest pair of pleated khaki shorts.”
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: Fifty Shades of Stone“Would Curtis Stone enjoy humiliating me? Would I enjoy being humiliated by Curtis Stone?”
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: David Rees on the Proper“I refuse to be brainwashed into believing that Italian food is any different from any other kind of food! Food is food, people. It’s mostly vegetables and grains and whatnot.”
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: David Rees on Italian Grandmothers“Her name is Nana Nonna, and she’s one of the world’s most famous Italian grandmothers and speaking of mothers, she can cook like a motherf-cker, so watch out.”
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: David Rees Is the Only Person“Curtis Stone’s shirt is amazing; it’s aqua-ish colored, and seems to be made of a fabric that hasn’t been invented yet.”
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: David Rees on the Famous Squabbler“Just like that, my opinion of Cheven drops another 10,000 feet. Now James Cameron can investigate it in his submarine.”
Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: David Rees on Sheepherding and Rural“I still can’t believe people eat cheese that comes out of a sheep’s butthole or wherever it comes from.”
‘Around the World in 80 Plates’ Recap: David Rees on the Premiere “What was billed as a celebration of international culinary traditions becomes instead an orgy of overclocked consumption.”
overnights
Sept. 15, 2011
Big Brother Recap: When Times Get Tough, Tori Spelling Steps InShe shows up to visit ‘90210’ fetishist Adam and gives him the strength to actually win something.
Big Brother Recap: The Zingbot Will Rule Us AllThe robot returns, and our recapper tries to match him zing for zing.
Big Brother Recap: The Myth of SisyphusThat is actually mentioned in this episode.
Big Brother Recap: Alliances Split, and the Word Gameplay Is Liberally SpokenJulie Chen: “Wow, you guys are serious gamers.” Me: “This is the least fun game in the history of gaming.”
Big Brother Recap: A Week 3 Summary Composed Only of ListsLike, “Things contestants said that are probably true, which makes them sad.”
David Rees, Unwitting Big Brother Virgin, Recaps the Premiere “Evil Dick looks like a partially deflated Motley Crüe Macy’s parade balloon.”
The Chain Gang
May 9, 2011
Soul Daddy Review: David Rees on America’s Next Great Restaurant “The first thing you notice is Soul Daddy’s interior; it is clean and bland and entirely without soul.”
Episode 9 “Joey laments: ‘The day is not going the way I envisioned it going,’ which we can only imagine was Osama bin Laden’s final thought on this earth.”
Episode 8 “This is a direct challenge — a shot across the bow of U.S.S. Kale City, the unsinkable frigate that takes on all comers.”
Episode 7 “I feel like a preteen girl defending Justin Bieber, or a balding alcoholic defending Charlie Sheen.”
Episode 6 “It’s like all natural phenomena and all of human culture are merely instruments through which Steve Ells can more closely examine the viability of concepts.”
Episode 5 “Never let it be said that Bobby Flay is not a man obsessed with dipping sauces.”
America’s Next Great Restaurant Recap: David Rees Has a ColdThis week: One contestant will be named Lord of the Pod People.
Episode 3 More concepts than season three of Donald Trump’s ‘Celebrity Epistemologist.’
Episode 2 Plus a whole lot of logos, and shots of Steve Ells looking miserable.
America’s Next Great Restaurant Recap: David Rees on the Premiere“So now you know: Any restaurant that opens between now and the conclusion of this show will not be great.”
Nov. 25, 2010
The Return of “Get Your War On” October 2001 saw the beginning of the bombing in Afghanistan and the launch of one satiric, profanity-rich cartoon—whose first words were “Oh, y […]