Julieanne Smolinski

  1. select all
    Twitter Has Become a Park Filled With Bats and PervertsI love Twitter, but I can’t spend any more time there until something is done about its harassment problem.
  2. at the beach
    Living in L.A. Made Me Get Over My Body IssuesLife as a 2.5 in the land of the permanent beachbod.
  3. experiments
    I Tried Hypnotherapy to Get Over My BreakupI wanted it to be like a spa treatment for my feelings.
  4. our selfies ourselves
    I Am Not My Internet Personality, and You Probably Aren’t Yours, Either.Please, please do not believe everything you read online.
  5. me me me me me
    Behold: My Week of Dangerous Self-IndulgenceHere is what happens when you unchain your id.
  6. diary
    I Tried to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Here’s What Happened.It’s not always like it is in the movies.
  7. overnights
    American Horror Story Season Finale Recap: Say Good-night, Bloody Face-yA surprisingly moving end for our Asylum characters. Except for that one guy. He got it good.
  8. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: The Queen of CandylandForward in time, then back, then forward again.
  9. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: Lactose Intolerance“There’s so many questions, I don’t even know where to begin.”
  10. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: So You Think You Can TranceCrazy crazy bo bazy banana-fana fo fazy …
  11. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: Memento Shore-yAnd just like that, it was over.
  12. finales
    Seven Reasons No One Cares About Jersey Shore AnymoreOne: Watching the same cast year after year just got boring.
  13. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: I’m Your Private GuidoMike’s headed back to the pole.
  14. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: No Wire Hangers, EverWas this kind of a good one?
  15. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: Peace in Our T-Shirt TimeThis week, we handed out apologies like so many recovering pill-addicted juice heads.
  16. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: Bad SantaMerry early Christmas, you godless pinheads.
  17. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: Trash Bag ReduxThis week, the house threw Snooki a “shore shower.”
  18. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: Angels and Nun DemonsWell, we guess it can’t be rainbows and colostrum every week.
  19. adventures in sex
    The Great Spanx Sex ExperimentYou know the slit in the crotch of Spanx? I tried to have sex through it.

  20. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: Baby Needs TherapyLittle girls with blonde braids: not dangerous. Little girls with red braids: not dangerous. Little girl with brown hair: murderers.
  21. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Butt PadWell, this week picked up a little bit, no? SOME things happened.
  22. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: When I Think About Jews, I Touch MyselfLast night we pole-vaulted over the boundaries of good taste with an episode titled “I Am Anne Frank.”
  23. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: When a Man Loves a MeatballOn last night’s installment of the Insane Brown Posse farewell tour …
  24. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: Cecil B. Very UncomfortableWait … so how many Bloody Faces are there?
  25. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: Beware of Guidos Bearing GiftsDeena was sprung from the chokey, and her parents were most displeased.
  26. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: Laughing All the Way to the Mossy BankThere was a young priest and an old priest.
  27. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: Caged Meat ( … Balls)This episode’s barely beating heart was the Roger-Jenni shove/drink toss.
  28. overnights
    American Horror Story Recap: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Naked Ass This whole season is going to be like a Marilyn Manson video.
  29. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: Pregnancy House of HorrorWe all watched the debate last night, right?
  30. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: Nothing Bronze Can StayFinal season starts NOW.
  31. real time
    Vulture Live-Blogs MTV’s VMAsJulieanne Smolinski takes you through every move and/or misstep by Rihanna, Taylor Swift, and the whole darned MTV fun bunch.
  32. real time
    Vulture Live-Blogs MTV’s VMAsJulieanne Smolinski takes you through every move and/or misstep by Rihanna, Taylor Swift, and the whole darned MTV fun bunch.
  33. emotional farewells
    Goodnight Sweet Guidettes: A Eulogy for Jersey ShoreThis upcoming season will be the reality show’s last. Are we sad? Are you?
  34. overnights
    True Blood Recap: There Was an Old Woman Who Swallowed a FlyBloodbath doesn’t seem fitting enough a term for this unusually high-body-count season finale.
  35. overnights
    True Blood Recap: Lilith FairIn this season’s penultimate episode, we finally got an intervention on behalf of the U.S. government.
  36. overnights
    True Blood Recap: The Dead Fairy ScrollsLots going on this week, although it was sorely lacking in butt-revealing karate.
  37. True Blood Recap: Enter the Cheeto DragonWe’re getting closer and closer to the end of the season, so we’re seeing some of the story lines get nicely wrapped up.
  38. overnights
    True Blood Recap: Where’s Warlow?It’s good that we’re moving away from the whole Lillith thing.
  39. overnights
    True Blood Recap: Don’t Have a Cow in the Biblical SenseWell, this episode was certainly action-packed, we’ll say that much for it.
  40. overnights
    True Blood Recap: Russell and RomanThis was a banner week for celebrity guest stars on True Blood.
  41. True Blood Recap: Easy on the Peach SchnappsReligious fanatics versus sexy, ineffectual ideologues? Please keep your Sorkin peanut butter out of our Ball chocolate, HBO.
  42. True Blood Recap: Please Send More Invisible Bottle ServiceEvery week we swear that we’re going to stop looking for an ordered universe within True Blood, and just relax and enjoy the sex gore.
  43. True Blood Recap: The Least Believable Whorehouse in San FranciscoMany jokes were made at the expense of iPhones, texting, and Facebook.
  44. overnights
    True Blood Recap: A Little Ditty ’Bout Dieter and PamTrue Blood’s writers are really bringing it this season, if only in terms of pure Bonkers Quotient.
  45. overnights
    True Blood Recap: Just Go With ItSometimes a show goes so off the rails that being off the rails becomes the point. Thus, True Blood, season five.
  46. slide show
    Helena Bonham Carter’s Red-Carpet HexesWatch out for the deadly side-eye from the Dark Shadows star.
  47. fifty shades of wtf
    The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Fifty Shades of GreyHow is it possible that anybody is turned on by this?
  48. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: All Guido Things Must End“What am I going to do now?” Snooki wonders in the finale. Good question.
  49. seeing the future
    A Chilling Glimpse Into Why Jersey Shore Should Call It QuitsWe make unsettling predictions for what would happen to Snooki et al., if allowed to continue for one more season.
  50. overnights
    Jersey Shore Recap: Inside Out“A bonjo? A bango?”
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