Without Breasts There Is No Television

Sin Tetas No Hay NBC: New head of NBC Ben Silverman makes first big programming move, buying rights to smash hit Colombian telenovela about a poor young woman determined to get a breast augmentation who falls into prostitution and the drug wars. The series’s almost unbelievably perfect title: Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso, or Without Breasts There Is No Paradise. Silverman’s Peabody-winning grin in this photo confirms: TV nirvana has just been achieved. [Variety]

Kinnear, Graham Flash: Greg Kinnear and Lauren Graham are announced to star in Marc Abraham’s Flash of Genius, drama about the inventor of the intermittent windshield wiper. Well, it was bound to sound boring no matter when Universal announced it, but they probably should have steered clear of Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso Day. [Variety]

Wilson Joins LaBute: Patrick Wilson joins the cast of Lakeview Terrace, new Neil LaBute movie about an interracial family that moves next door to a racist LAPD officer. Samuel L. Jackson and Kerry Washington star. Lakeview Terrace is a little dull; may we suggest: Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso! [Variety]

Willis Père, Fille Join Forces: Bruce Willis and his misspelled daughter, Rumer Willis, will team up in the dark comedy The Sophomore, pitched as “Chinatown in a high school.” Mischa Barton co-stars. Music-video director Brett Simon will helm. At no point in the movie will anyone become ensnared in the cocaine industry while trying to earn money for a breast augmentation, alas. [HR]

Fox Can Play That Game: Vivica A. Fox will star in and produce Three Can Play That Game, sequel to 2001’s Two Can Play That Game — remember that one, with the relationship expert and whatnot? No? Anyway, it’s getting a sequel. We’re psyched about Sin Tetas, but we may be even more psyched for Sin Tetas 2: Sin Tetas Con Venganza! [HR]

Devendra Banhart Announces Album Titles: Singer Devendra Banhart’s next album will be released soon, but Banhart is hard at work coming up with titles and posting them to MySpace. Some possibilities: Shes a hot dog, Mountaneous Confunktion, Porkin’ the broken Knee (Electroxtensial chop!), Cyber Christ and the Gnostic Titi-Slap part deux, Military Massengill, and Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso. [Pitchfork]

Clarkson in Crisis!: Kelly Clarkson cancels her summer tour due to low ticket sales for stadium dates. Singer plans to tour in fall instead, presumably in smaller venues. She also fires her manager, spends days weeping on couch, eating ice cream, and watching Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso. [Billboard]

Spring Awakening on Tour: The national tour of Spring Awakening will launch in San Francisco in fall 2008. That’s an inauspicious date, as likely everyone in America will be at home, watching Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso. [Playbill]

Lithgow Hits the RSC: John Lithgow will play Malvolio in a Royal Shakespeare Company production of Twelfth Night this summer. Lithgow seems telenovelaish; can’t you see him intoning, “Sin tetas” — gasp! — “no hay … paraiso“? [Playbill]

Cheyenne Jackson Skates In: Xanadu has replaced its injured leading man. Cheyenne Jackson (the quasi Elvis in All Shook Up) replaces James Carpinello, who was injured in a roller-skating accident. Once Xanadu closes in July, think anyone will field our pitch for Sin Tetas! El Musical? [Playbill]

Rowling Tours in U.S.: Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling will participate in four U.S. events this October, mostly for students only: two in New York, one in New Orleans, and one in Los Angeles. This is gonna be like Beatlemania II, people. [PW]