crimes and misdemeanors

The Man Is Coming for Your Phrosties Already

Did you spend the holiday weekend mainlining sugar and grain alcohol via underground delivery service, as New York’s Grub Street informed you was possible but did not quite endorse or encourage? If not, you may have missed your chance. Senator Chuck “No Fun” Schumer, the man who helped take down original-recipe Four Loko, is once again playing the buzzkill.

Phrosties, the Instagram-based clandestine alcoholic-slushy service, got so big so fast that the government is already moving to shut it down.

A 12-year-old can probably buy these ‘sloshies’ online, get it and enjoy it because it’s filled with fruit juice and fruit punch and all the things that taste sweet and nice,” said Schumer, who probably still calls it “smoking dope,” too. “A few weeks ago, I talked about powdered alcohol. I’m making an effort to prevent that from being sold. I would like to see the same thing happen to these ‘sloshies’ if they’re not regulated.” The State Liquor Authority is investigating as well.

The official-ish Phrostie Instagram account has already been wiped clean, its contact info taken down in favor of a bare bones (or dummy?) profile.

After what was surely a successful few days, maybe the shadowy figures behind the start-up should lay low and count their money until Fourth of July weekend, turning the chase into a game of Whac-A-Mole. (Schumer and Co. can also expect copycats.) In the meantime, if they’re smart, they’ll switch to Snapchat.

The Man Is Coming for Your Phrosties Already