Part of being a true fan of a team involves a stubborn refusal to understand that the other team has fans of its own who care about their team as much as you care about yours. Impossible! The other team is nothing more than Opponent. When you are watching on Sunday afternoon, all you want to know is: How do we kill these guys? Whom do we boo? Die, humans wearing different colors than the colors for which I have grown accustomed to cheering!
We are here to help. With a slight nod to Drew Magary’s Why Your Team Sucks series, we want to give you three people to scream at on the television every Sunday, peppering Cheetos flecks in every direction. The Giants play the Kansas City Chiefs at Arrowhead Stadium at 1 p.m. on Sunday. Here’s whom to boo on the Chiefs.
Larry Johnson. LJ Likes to do things in twos: two years as Priest Holmes’s understudy, then two years of rushing for more than 1,700 years, and currently, serving two years of probation for two separate incidents involving women at nightclubs. He eventually pleaded guilty in March to two counts of disturbing the peace; originally, he was charged with assault for allegedly shoving one woman and spitting a drink in the face of another.
Scott Pioli. As the Patriots’ vice-president of player personnel, Pioli had a big hand in building all those insufferable Patriots teams of the last decade or so. (This year’s his first as general manager of the Chiefs.) Then again, he’s also the guy responsible for assembling a Patriots team that was just good enough to almost go undefeated but lose to the Giants in the Super Bowl, so perhaps we owe him a debt of gratitude for that.
Mike Vrabel. Speaking of the Patriots! Truth be told, Vrabel seems like a decent guy. But he’s not just a former Patriot — this team is stupid with former Patriots — he was something of an emotional leader for them, and a favorite of Bill Belichick. Needless to say, any favorite of Bill Belichick is no favorite of ours.