When we watch a sporting event that takes longer than two hours, we must admit, we often find ourselves wondering: What if a player finds him or herself, oh, in sudden, violent need of a restroom. It would seem easier in baseball than football: Less equipment to take off, at the very least. (In basketball, you wear so little clothing you can urinate in a towel right there at court-side.) But sometimes, a certain explosive deed takes longer than you'd like or expect, and your body's excretory schedule does not line up with the rest of the planet's expectations. After last night, Angel Pagan understands this particularly well.
At the end of the fourth inning, Pagan ran into the Mets dugout and felt that rumbling we all know well — and dread. Pagan was due up in the next inning ... but what must be done must be done.
Terrific Daily News beat writer Andy Martino, who is surely as ready to get the season over with as the Mets are, details what happened next in understated, funny, just-grateful-for-something-to-happen-at-the-ballpark fashion:
"When you're up fourth in the inning and you have to do that, it's just not fun," Pagan said. With the immediate problem near resolution, Pagan noticed that the inning had progressed more quickly than expected. "When I finished, I looked at the TV, and I see Nick Evans, 3-2."
[The umpire] was still poking around, wondering if the Mets planned to send a batter to face Lee. "He'd have to run in the bathroom and make me hit," Pagan said of the ump.
The best part were the boos Pagan was receiving from the Citizen Bank Park fans in Philadelphia because they had to wait for him. Imagine being in the situation Pagan was in, and having 50,000 Philadelphia sports fans screaming at you to hurry up. Talk about performance anxiety. Pagan made his at-bat but was taken out of the game by manager Terry Collins at the bottom of the inning anyway. Probably for the best. You never know.
Oh, and the Mets lost 10–0. Or, as Martino put it: "the Phillies unloaded on the Mets for a 10–0 win." We see what you did there.