Judy Arlick, Unemployed

Photo: Jake Chessum

What are you doing today?
I’m looking for Saint Patrick’s Day decorations for my door—all green. I do Christmas, Halloween, fall, and in the summer, I do flowers on the door.

Do your neighbors appreciate that?
I’ve had a little problem with someone in my neighborhood. The husband stole my decorations after the wife got jealous. I could have her arrested, fingerprinted, booked, the whole thing, but I don’t have the heart.

Where do you live?
In the East Village. My prime objective in life is to move. There are very low-class people there. No morals. No principles. No respect.

What do you do?
Right now I’m not working. In the past, I was an executive assistant to a chairman of the board. And before that I did catalogue modeling for a very well-known raincoat house.

How do you describe your style?
Fashionable. Very fashionable. I look elegant all the time—at least, this is what people tell me.

Tell me about this outfit.
My black striped pants are Donna Karan, my sweater is black cashmere, and I’m wearing little black-and-white leather Nina boots. So you see, the white boa goes with this outfit. I have boas in four colors. Clothes are my hobby.

Where do you like to shop?
Saks Fifth Avenue and sometimes Bergdorf Goodman, but that’s rare. They cater to an older woman.

Your nails are quite amazing.
They are long now, so I’m wearing gold metallic nail polish. But when they are very, very long, I wear red or black. They go from long to daggers for a few months, and people ask if they’re phony. And then suddenly they start to break. So I use Krazy Glue, and then I get disgusted and file them down.

Do you do them yourself?
Always. It takes about three hours for fingers and toes. You can’t go to a public place or you’ll get a fungus. And that’s the end of your nail.

Judy Arlick, Unemployed