Heart Attack

The Bell House.Photo: Sam Horine
Photo: Courtesy of Blackout

The Singles Collection
Blackout; 916 Manhattan Ave., nr. Greenpoint Ave., Greenpoint, Brooklyn (718-383-0254)
This slick hipster haven hosts a low-key mixer where the main draw is the drink specials. Throw back shots for $4 apiece, or toast with cocktails like the Coco & Carl ($6; vodka and crème de cacao) and the Velvet Williams ($8; Champagne with citrus reduction syrup).

Photo: Courtesy of Creek and Cave

Sunday Bloody Sunday
The Creek; 10-93 Jackson Ave., nr. 49th Ave., Long Island City (718-706-8783)
Storytelling, stand-up, and improv collide in “Sunday Bloody Sunday: An Anti–Valentine’s Day Comedy Party.” At 6 p.m., hear tales of dates gone wrong in “Screwed: Stories of Relationships That Never Had a Chance.” Stand-up comedians take romance down a notch at 7 p.m., and at 8 sketch-comedy group Froduce tackles relationship-based improv in “We’re All Really Upset We Are Alone on Valentine’s Day.” Plus, dangerously cheap drink specials: Young’s Chocolate Stouts are $4, Godiva chocolate martinis are $8, and Cocksucking Cowboy shots (Bailey’s and butterscotch Schnapps) are $2. All are recommended before taking the mike downstairs for “heartbreak karaoke”—a recipe for belted-out ballads if there ever was one.

Photo: Courtesy of PowerHouse Books

It’s Not You, It’s Me: The Poetry of Breakup
PowerHouse Arena; 37 Main St., nr. Water St., Dumbo, Brooklyn (212-604-9074)
Contributors Bob Hicok, Donna Masini, and Mark Halliday delve into the poetry of disillusion with readings from It’s Not You, It’s Me: The Poetry of Breakup, edited by self-professed breakup expert (and award-winning poet) Jerry Williams. Bored to Death creator Jonathan Ames moderates to lighten the mood.

Photo: Konstantin Sergeyev

“Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” Speed-Dating
Black Rabbit; 91 Greenpoint Ave., at Franklin St., Greenpoint, Brooklyn (718-349-1595)
Nothing like classic Brit rock to warm your cold, lonely heart. On Thursday, head over to the darkly hopeful “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” speed-dating event, set to the music of the Smiths and hosted by Brooklyn comedian Dave Hill. Then on Sunday, comic Bobby Tisdale narrates Anti-Valentine’s Bingo Night. The prizes, we’re promised, are “appropriately stupid and unromantic.”

Photo: Courtesy of Brooklyn Kitchen

Anti–Valentine’s Day Dinner Class
The Labs at the Brooklyn Kitchen; 100 Frost St., nr. Leonard St., Williamsburg, Brooklyn (718-349-5033)
Forking Fantastic! co-authors Tamara Reynolds and Zora O’Neill are serving up hearts on a plate. Join the pair for their two-hour Anti–Valentine’s Day dinner class ($50). The low-pressure tutorial starts with dessert (screw tradition) and progresses through several courses, including roasted radishes, bitter green salad, duck heart on toast, and duck-leg confit. Whatever your Valentine’s Day sentiments, it’s a welcome respite from takeout.

Photo: Mike Short

Anti–Valentine’s Day Party
The Diamond; 43 Franklin St., nr. Calyer St., Greenpoint, Brooklyn (718-383-5030)
Singles get $1 off drinks during this beer-centric bar’s Anti–Valentine’s Day Party. (Lucky for the beer-slinging staff, revelers “must effectively prove singleness to the bartender,” says Dave, the owner.) A four-on-four ladies-versus-gents shuffleboard tournament kicks off at 7 p.m., vying for the prize of a $25 bar tab and a crown of Reissdorf Kölsch. Pair your beer with black-frosted cupcakes at the bar for $2 apiece. D.J.’s are instructed to keep the playlist sap-free.

Photo: Shanna Ravindra

Valentines With Robots
Bluestockings Bookstore; 172 Allen St., nr. Stanton St. (212-777-6028)
An event for those seeking no-strings-attached sex: Researcher Laura G. Duncan leads a kinky presentation on high-tech sex titled “Valentines with Robots,” weaving in examples from science fiction, the medical sciences, and something called “DIY sexual robotics.”

Photo: Melissa Hom

Salute to Singlehood
Radegast Hall & Biergarten; 113 N. 3rd St., at Berry St., Williamsburg, Brooklyn (718-963-3973)
This Brooklyn beer hall lures hungry cynics and day drinkers with its “Salute to Singlehood” event, starting at noon on Sunday. Every woman gets a free bratwurst (regularly $7) and guys get a free shot of Navip Slivovitz brandy or Doornkaat gin (regularly $8) to kick off the day—or end a bar crawl—right.

Photo: Courtesy of City Winery

Syd Straw’s Heartwreck Show
City Winery; 155 Varick St., at Vandam St. (212-608-0555)
Rock singer-songwriter Syd Straw is touted as the queen of anti—Valentine’s Day celebrations, known for her annual Heartwreck Show. The crooner’s Valentine’s Day grudge goes way back: According to the Winery’s website, the title track off Straw’s 2008 album, Pink Velour, is in part about “being kidnapped by my mother on Valentine’s Day in 1969, and about not seeing my dad for almost seven years.” Sip on specials, like sparkling rosé from Lucien Albrecht for $9 per glass, $36 per bottle (regularly $11 and $44).

Photo: Sam Horine

The Rejection Show’s Heartbreak Haven
The Bell House; 149 7th St., nr. Second Ave., Gowanus, Brooklyn (718-643-6510)
Live comedy series the Rejection Show presents “Heartbreak Haven.” (Tagline: “Find someone to French!”) The night includes booze-fueled performances on the subject of love, heartbreak, and breakups. Heed cautionary tales from fifteen comedians, including Rejection Show founder Jon Friedman, author of Rejected: Tales of the Failed, Dumped, and Canceled and writer for LateNightwithJimmyFallon.com.

Photo: Shanna Ravindra

Black Hearts Party
Village Pourhouse; 982 Amsterdam Ave., nr. 108th St. (212-979-2337)
The bar for boozy undergrads (and those of us who wish we still were) turns blind hookups into a drinking game. At Saturday’s singles-only Black Hearts Party, every girl gets a rose with a numbered heart on it and every guy gets a number: Find your match, get a free shot. On Sunday, work out some post-breakup rage at the Anti–Valentine’s Day Ex-orcism Party. Bring a photo of an ex to pin on the dartboard and receive a free Bud Light draft; hit the bull’s-eye and win a free hour of open bar.

Photo: Youngna Park

Minq Vaadka and the Disgruntled Lovers
Joe’s Pub; 425 Lafayette St., nr. Astor Pl. (212-539-8777)
Punk-cabaret act Minq Vaadka celebrates the release of his debut CD, The Plastic Masquerade, with a show that promises over-the-top makeup and sexual subtext. (The Public describes his vocals as a cross between Jack White, David Bowie, and Tom Waits.) Get there early to see the openers, Disgruntled Lovers, a pair of bandmates and exes who play lo-fi indie tunes on piano and guitar.

Heart Attack