Your guide to the species of the nightlife habitat.
Species: Party Monster
Etymology: Party Monsters are leftover, aging club kids who can’t quite wash away the glitter.
Distinguishing characteristics: Spandex, and lots of it. Also lots of makeup and Manic Panic hair dye. Let’s not forget the vinyl, faux-exotic-skin leggings and Joan Collins shoulder pads. But, still, don’t let the saucy eye makeup fool you: This isn’t Limelight, circa 1996, and these aren’t Michael Alig’s boys. They could be, though, and that’s the beauty of Party Monsters.
Known locales: Room Service, haunting the halls of NYU’s Palladium dorm, looking for the ghosts of club kids past.
Diet: White wine, vodka tonic (no calories if it’s clear, bitches), Ecstasy.
How to approach: Party Monsters are very friendly, and very keen on flattery. Compliment their hair, makeup, crotch bulge, or even pit stain and they’ll rub up against you like a kitten. But be warned — one wrong look and you may end up strangled to death. Endangerment Status: Moderate. Most of the population long ago evolved into regular grown-ups. There are now additional threats from the oh-so-confusing Gay Hipster. Skinny, pale, and unwashed, you just never can tell… —Amina Akhtar