We’re not sure why other newspapers in this city even try. Scanning this morning’s articles about Britney Spear’s zombie-like performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last night, we saw that New York’s ink-stained wretches made an effort to be mean. “Spears looked bleary and unprepared,” quoth Newsday. “She looked embarrassingly out of shape.” The Times was a little more explicit, saying, “she was awful. Visibly nervous, she tottered around the stage, dancing tentatively and doing nothing that sounded or looked like real live singing.” And the Daily News took a couple of swings: “Glassy-eyed and out of step, Britney seemed lost in a sea of pole-dancers and overmuscled male models who groped her so much she wasn’t even mouthing the words.” Nice try guys. But this story belongs to the Post. In the print edition of the tab, critic Dan Aquilante says that the “ditzy disaster” was “stuffed into a spangled bra and hotpants” and “danced like she had a pantload.” Sensing that perhaps this wasn’t enough, editors added this online headline early in the morning: “PORKY POP–TARD BORES AND JIGGLES LIKE JELL-O.” See guys? That’s how it’s done.