Fans Dissect Our Dissection of ‘Gossip Girl’

Gossip Girl

Wow, this photo is for real.Photo Courtesy CW

It’s very obvious that we have the best readers/Gossip Girl watchers in the universe. Because after today’s recap, you sent us a flood of e-mails with observations and additional insight into what is real and unreal about television’s most cruel addiction. (Starting very soon, you’ll actually be able to comment directly on our posts — which is the kind of feedback we’ve been wanting/dreading this whole time.) Here’s what some of you geniuses pointed out:

• “FYI, Dan’s mystery girl is clearly Hispanic — the hoop earrings, nylon belly jacket should’ve been your first clue. Besides with Token Black and Token Asian all that was missing was Token Latina, from Brooklyn! Gotta love the stereotypes!” [Ed.: This was so insultingly obvious that we are pissed at our eyes for not informing our brain about it. Damn you, you bewitchingly hazel beasts!]

• “Did you notice that never once did they say ‘Masquerade’ (as far as I remember) and for some reason were only capable of saying ‘masked ball.’ Very unreal.”

• “It’s funny when Blair tries to get emotional with Nate outside of her limo at the end. Either she’s a really bad actress or a really good one.” [Ed.: We say good. The things that she’s asked to do are mind-boggling, and somehow she carries it off. While wearing bows, no less.]

• “The Yeah Yeah Yeahs soundtracking all of the preparatory teen-masking and outfitting right before the party. Finally they cut Rihanna a fucking break.”

• “Early on in last night’s episode, Jenny was at home with her Dad and Dan, preparing to head back to the Upper East to drop off the fruits of her labor to Blair. Minutes later, after Vanessa breaks into Dan’s apartment and ends up calling him from his own room (c’mon, people, this is not the suburbs, this is Brooklyn — what about locking your windows?), Serena calls to invite him to the ball. When she hears a girl’s voice in the background, she asks who it is and Lying McLiarton Dan says it’s his sister Jenny, who at that moment, WALKS INTO BLAIR’S ROOM! Okay. So. There is NO WAY that Jenny could make it from her house to the Upper East Side in 10 minutes — even if she took a cab. It would take her two trains, at least, PLUS there’d be a walk involved once she got to the East Side, PLUS wasn’t it a weekend???” [Ed.: Wow.]

• “To clarify, do the Humphreys live in Williamsburg or Dumbo? You can’t seem to decide.” [Ed. Note: They say they live in Williamsburg, but they relentlessly show shots of the exterior of their apartment, which is visibly in Dumbo. We decided to stop being confused and just start assuming that they live in a nebulous netherworld at the intersection of both places. We call that world “Somewhere We Will Never Live.”]

• “The New York Palace can be hip when you own it!” [Ed.: Wait, do you mean “own it” in the sassy black way the way that Tyra Banks OWNS the fact that she’s always wearing a nasty weave? Or “own it,” as in the way Chuck’s parents actually have it in their equity portfolio?]

• “Fake: the fact that a group of teenagers were dancing in a way that didn’t involve grinding their pelvises (pelvi?) together. In what world does that ever happen?” [Ed.: Though we agree with this, writing it down as a complaint made us feel very old and decrepit, so we left it out.]

• “But how come Nate already has access to his trust? He’s maybe 12 and everyone knows that thing opens up too late to help at bizarre poker games or to support his burgeoning teenage ‘yeyo’ habit. Yeah, I said it. Nate is lubing the cocaine.” [Ed.: Wow, we don’t even know what “lubing the cocaine” could possibly mean, but it sounds awesome.]

Hooray for Daily Intel readers! May we never meet you in person and be judged!

Earlier: ’Gossip Girl’ Makes Us Color-blind
Click here for the rest of our recaps and Gossip Girl brain damage.


Fans Dissect Our Dissection of ‘Gossip Girl’