Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Sex-Free Middle-Ager in Love With Her First: female, 47, communications coach, Upper West Side, single.
DAY ONE
5:55 a.m.: I wish I could just sleep in. But I am wide awake, fantasizing about my rendezvous with an old boyfriend, Graham, two days ago in Los Angeles. Graham was also my FIRST almost 30 years ago. He looked good! I’m playing it cool, so I won’t e-mail him. Instead, I’ll masturbate thinking of him.
9 a.m.: Flirted with a guy walking his bulldog. I am fascinated by owners and dogs who look related. The guy’s dog is like looking in the mirror!
1 p.m.: Attended my continuing-education philosophy class. To be or not to be obsessed?
3 p.m.: Had lunch with a girlfriend. No cute men to be seen, but the actor Richard Belzer was there. He is so skinny! Not my type.
11:30 p.m.: Saw a really bad play with my two gay friends. Why are gay guys so much fun?
DAY TWO
6:15 a.m.: I’ve already checked my e-mail to see if Graham has e-mailed. No, but not really surprised. Two months seems a long time away for next the “date.” I feel like a kid. Probably ‘cause we were kids and we certainly acted like ones last weekend. I hope I don’t have to go to L.A. every time I want sex.
7:55 a.m.: Peeked at e-mails. Nothing. Ugh.
4 p.m.: Just got invited at the last minute to a cast party for a Broadway show. Had to throw myself together when I got home. The fancy top I had bought four years ago still fits! Thank God. Boobs look great. Had to ask my landlord to zip me up. He oohed and aahed appropriately. He too is gay.
3 a.m.: And my feet don’t even hurt! Sometimes I miss this life. Nights like this are better than sex.
DAY THREE
Noon: I go to see Ocean’s Thirteen with my best gal pal. We fantasize about George and Brad.
6 p.m.: Dinner with a girlfriend. Life is good. Dinner with boyfriend would be even better? No, I can’t honestly say that. The movie wasn’t as good as I’d hoped for.
10 p.m.: Philosophy class. We discussed “staying in the moment.” I definitely see the benefits but doesn’t allow for much of a fantasy life, which right now is my middle name.
DAY FOUR
6:30 a.m.: Ran in the park. I noticed that I often make more eye contact with people’s dogs than I do with them. I was cheered on by a nice woman as I slugged up a hill. She was probably hoping not to do CPR.
9:30 a.m.: He e-mailed! Yippee! I’ll wait a couple of days to respond; don’t want to appear too eager.
4 p.m.: Ventured out only once today to the health-food store. I’m surprised I didn’t run into someone, which is what happens when you look like crap! To think that back in Texas, I’d never have dashed to the store without lipstick! Here I might not even put on clean clothes. No one notices.
DAY FIVE
12:30 p.m.: I stopped at the grocery store after a work meeting in fancy heels. Lovely man held the door open for me and smiled. Chivalry is not dead. I smiled and said thanks, just as a young girl in flip-flops pushed through without so much as a grunt. Is it any wonder a guy doesn’t want to go out of his way?
2:10 a.m.: Just reread the e-mail from G. How pathetic. In a city of millions, I am hanging on an e-mail from L.A.!
6:30 p.m.: Walked in the park, and this guy and I saw a family of raccoons hiding in a large stone wall at the same time. They were very large and playful. We smiled. One of those New York moments with a stranger. In Dallas the guy would have brought out a gun and shot them.
DAY SIX
6:15 a.m.: E-mailed Graham. Wow, I really held out.
9 a.m.: This will be an exciting day for a sex diary. No appointments, no reason for leaving the apartment. One of my best girlfriends comes in tomorrow from Texas. Two middle-aged women, in the city! Woo-hoo!
3:30 p.m.: OMG. I was propositioned in the post office! I helped the gentleman in front of me with that irritating automatic machine and we wound up walking several blocks together. Told me I was beautiful. Most much older men do think I’m beautiful. Men my age can still get them YOUNG. I said yes to coffee next week. He gave me his card. I gave him my e-mail.
DAY SEVEN
8 a.m.: Graham hasn’t e-mailed back. I’m so glad my friend is here for the weekend. Gives me something else to focus on.
11:30 p.m.: Girls’ night in. Ordered Chinese, drank wine, and sat around. Great time, lots of laughs, and some boy talk. There’s nothing like an evening with the girls. Who needs guys on a night like this?
Total: One act of masturbation; one post-office pickup; one gay-pals night; one girls’ night; at least 52 obsessed e-mail checks for L.A. love.
