William Unroch Should Totally Be on America’s Next Top Model

Happily, Maximillia Cordero, the 23-year-old model who filed a lawsuit against Jeffrey Epstein yesterday claiming he forced her to perform “bizarre and unnatural sex acts” back when she was 16, is in capable hands. Literally! It turns out the lawyer who filed the complaint, 57-year-old William Unroch, is also her boyfriend, and he’s as familiar with the shady modeling business as he is with the curve of a young woman’s thigh. How? He runs his own model-management service, with a special focus on helping out young, naïve girls who are thinking about moving to the city to start a modeling career, since, as he notes, “New York is also filled with aggressive people who often take advantage of weak-minded young people.” But luckily, William is there to help them with this most important step in their careers!

One of the first questions in his FAQ deals with an issue all young models new to the city struggle with: Is it okay to date an old guy or what? “The rich old bastards who run the good old USA have not yet given a final okay to interage dating among the middle class even though they all do it,” says William, who is himself an open-minded guy. “It can be lots of fun watching people’s reaction and is a great way to find out who your real friends are.” And is it okay to talk to have your sexual past splashed on the cover of the Post? Sure! “There is no such thing as bad publicity,” William writes on his site. “By having your photos all over the net I am sure the right people eventually will take a look at you.”

William’s Website reminds us that before there was Tyra, the people advising models in New York were dudes just like Unroch: cigar-chomping, rug-wearing guys who weren’t afraid to pull the wool off a young woman’s eyes and say, “Welcome to the real world dear,” as William does in response to a question about what to do when your booker keeps introducing you to “Older Men who do not have jobs.” And there’s so much more! See below for William’s advice on how to avoid getting venereal disease (hint: Don’t date a bisexual!), scary little dogs (it’s not them, it’s you!), and what to do when your boyfriend plays that gross “dutch oven” trick on you. Oh, we’re giving this one big sic in advance.

I look very middle eastern. Will that hurt my chances in modeling or acting?
Unless your name is Omar Shariff Jr. it certainly will hurt in the major markets. Sorry life is not fair.

I have a 2” scar over my eye. My mom thinks it looks cute. Will model agents like it?
I think you have a 4” scar in your brain. Reality is scars, moles, and other creepy stuff are negatives. Cover them with makeup or get cosmetic surgery. Modeling is about beauty.

How do I pay my rent till I make it as an actress or model?
Many beginning actresses and models without lots of savings, a rich family, or a wealthy boyfriend, get night jobs … Some more outlandish models and actresses work as strippers, go go dancers, unlicensed masseuses, and other even. Personally I would not advise girls to seek this type of work since often it can put you in a situation leading to other serious problems which can detroy your career rather than build your career.

I got a night job stripping. Should I tell me new agent about it?
This is very tricky. In most cases I would not tell a female booker about it. I might tell a male booking agent if he were the cool type.

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?
There is as much if not more sexually transmitted diseases in New York City as there is elsewhere throughout the country. If you want to live to a ripe old age and see your grandchildren modeling or acting one day, you should never date a bi sexual male. Stay away from hard drugs. Always use condoms. I would also warn young people coming to New York nowadays that there has been an epidemic of sorts of sickos putting illicit drugs in peoples drinks. Watch your drink and don’t leave it unattended at the bar. What some jerk many consider funny could mess you up for life.

Question 10: Can I trust my son or daughter to live alone in New York City?
If your son or daughter has a problem with his sexual identity New York can be a disaster. I have known several young men who were straight in their own community and mysteriously turned gay when they came to New York. As a matter of fact some went back and forth like a yo yo with their sexual identity. If your son or daughter does not make a commitment to use condoms many problems will result.

What’s it like living in am agency model’s apartment with 5 models?
Wacky, very wacky. Unlike TV nonsense most model apartments are a combination of animal house, homeless shelter, a nursery school, and in some cases a drug den. Usually at least 1 or 2 of the girls are nuts. Agencies obviously play this aspect down but when you put 5 or 6 young girls in a small apartment it will get very obnoxious.

How big are the big agencies?
Who knows. Many big agencies are even bigger liars. Agencies are not easy to sell since agents often lie about the amount of bookings they do. Most models in most large agencies earn very little money. A few stars earn most of it. What is important is how well you do over several months. You may find more success with much small agencies. Only time will tell.

I am afraid my agents small dog will bite me. What should I do?
Boy it takes all kinds. Dummy the dog has already bitten you. The fact that the agent takes his dog to the office means he loves the dog a lot more than he loves neurotic models like you. By showing fear of the dog you have really turned off the agent. I keep 2 dogs in my office. Anyone who doesn’t like it can just leave.

I am dating a 32 year old exec with a 12” television should I be concerned?
Perhaps. Judging a person by the size of their television can be very accurate especially if the guy is older. Generally men with small televisions are either intellectuals, cheapskates, or travel a lot. One of the finest men I know has a 15” screen. However should he meet the right girl he would buy a 50” hdtv right away. I would strongly suggest you demand your new boyfriend buy a big screen immediately or have a very good explanation why he won’t. If you are not satisfied with it drop him.

My boyfriend came home yesterday and said he wanted to show me a dutch oven. I did not know what he meant. Do you?
Hmmm. This is a family modeling side. Beware the dutch oven. SHould you ever be unlucky enough to enter a dutch oven it will be a memorable but not particularly pleasant experience. Since the concept of the dutch over is pretty yukeeeee and as a responsible adult I should not promote this you should email me privately if you really have a need to know.

William J. Unroch [Attorneys NYC]

Earlier: Jeffrey Epstein Charged With Sensory As Well As Sex Crimes

William Unroch Should Totally Be on America’s Next Top Model