Imaginary Eavesdropping on Lance and Ashley’s Date

Lance Ashley

It just feels right, doesn’t it?Photo: WireImage

Okay, so we know it’s totally possible that “Page Six” has been exaggerating the crap out of this Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen relationship. Like, we heard from an eyewitness that they weren’t actually making out at Rose Bar the other night, they were just whispering. But anyway, they were spotted again at Waverly Inn on Tuesday, so maybe there’s something to it. For our own amusement, we tried to imagine the conversation they had over delicious chicken pot pie at the trendy restaurant:

Lance: You know, I’ve been a fan of yours since Full House.
Ashley: Aw, thanks. That’s so sweet. I was so fat then!
Lance: I thought you were adorable. I watch the reruns with my kids. You really pulled off all of those matching baby jumpers! I never dreamed I’d get to actually make out with you.
Ashley: I get that a lot. I really admire what you did with, you know, your ball cancer. You took lemons and made them into lemonade.

Lance: Oh, thanks. I did it all for moments like this. Except now I only have one ball, which is tricky.
Ashley: That’s okay, I’m very small. I don’t need a lot of balls.
Lance: Really?
Ashley: I dated Scott Sartiano. So, you know, I’ve faced some hardship, too.
Lance: I thought you had everything going for you. You are beautiful, rich, successful, and you’re only 17!
Ashley: I’m 21.
Lance: Really? Oh, well, that’s okay. Don’t worry about it.
Ashley: But I’ve still had my trials and tribulations. I had to deal with the failure of New York Minute, for example. And then there was the time when I tried to grow up entirely without the use of nutrients.
Lance: Wow, that must have taken so much determination.
Ashley: It mostly just took semi-legal substances. But I guess determination was involved, too.
Lance: Man, we’re two peas in a pod.
Ashley: Let’s make out.

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Imaginary Eavesdropping on Lance and Ashley’s Date