The Good, the Bad, and the Genius.Photo: Getty Images (Andrina, Paris), Wenn (Britney)
Hollywood is already practically one big costume party, so it’s unsurprising that celebrities go nuts dressing up on Halloween — the one night of the year they can let their inherent terrible taste run wild. But don’t let our festive holiday eye-patches fool you. We are watching and judging, because in the celebrity world there’s no such thing as a free pass. After the jump, a look at who scored, and who merely whored…
Most Enthusiastic Cute Girl Accompanied by Cranky Old Guy:
Regis and Kelly went balls out on Live
this year, dressing up not only as Posh ‘n’ Becks, but also
as Harry Potter and Hermione. Shockingly, Kelly rocked both costumes. We have to hand it to her: It takes talent to pull off both Stroppy English Pop Star and The World’s Most Famous Brainy Girl Wizard in the same hour.
Rumer Willis seems to be under the impression that she’s famous enough to pick a costume that’s barely recognizable and largely without pants — as she did this weekend in a showgirl-ish getup and oddly Demi-like wig — and expect us to let it pass. Au contraire
, celebuspawn. We just learned your name. Pick a costume we can identify.
Biggest Stretch (Marks):
Photo Courtesy WAD Productions
Ellen DeGeneres danced down to her talk-show stage as celebrity womb-tease Jennifer Lopez, complete with long brown wig, garish seventies-style pantsuit, and a pregnancy belly she purposely ignored even as it gradually swelled to the size of a small planet. Seeing Ellen dolled up with girlie tresses was jarring, but the even stranger thing was how hot she looked. We’re guessing Portia will want to keep the wig for the home game.
Most Painfully Obvious:
Tragic Britney Spears staggered around town as a “pirate” (see above), although the effect was closer to “waitress at a pirate-themed strip club.” It’s a tad too on-the-nose — she’s already pillaged and plundered her own life into smoking ruins, and honestly, she probably already has real scurvy.
As always, Paris Hilton hiked up her skirts and brought out the garter belts, tramping it up with two costumes: Sexy Sailor Girl (see above) and, creepily, Sexy Alice in Wonderland (see below) – who, we must note, is WAY
underage and has no business flaunting her, well, business. But then again, Paris isn’t herself if she’s not giving it away for free.
Strangest Allegorical Choice:
Larry Birkhead — the DNA
-tested, court-approved father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby — dressed up as a key player in the original (and still the best) paternity scandal: Darth Vader. We assume he’s turning a blind eye to Vadar’s hobbies of blowing up innocents and sword-fighting with his offspring; otherwise, we look forward to a lot of teenage whining before Larry lops off Dannielynn’s hand during an argument about her curfew.
Most Appropriately Trashy:
We’re not a huge fan of Audrina from The Hills
— what’s with her terrible eyeliner? — but she gets props for doing the typical Trashy-Sexy thing the smart way: by dressing as an actual
Trashy-Sexy Person: Madonna circa Like a Virgin
(see above). Hey, it beats being a Slutty Pirate. —The Fug Girls