We’re Back!

Sean Connery

Photo: Nick Denton’s Facebook Page

Welcome back to us, that is. Like many of you, we spent most of the last ten days or so in the isolation tank that is our homes, eating butter and sugar by the fistful, drinking, and willfully ignoring the outside world; the only newspaper headline that passed in front of our bleary eyes was one that said, “War Hero Harry Bailey Returns to Bedford Falls.” We were happy, and all was right with the world. That is, until this morning, when we were cruelly deposited back into the cold, cookie-less world we lived in before, blinking, five pounds fatter, and approximately ten times stupider. We thought some of you might be in the same position, so we’ve quickly pulled together a list of what we think might have happened last week while we were napping.

Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley and Citigroup all got foreign money in their Christmas stockings.

• Serena and Dan started dating in real life, sending our Gossip Girl Reality Index numbers flying off the charts.

Benazir Bhutto was killed.

• Ivanka Trump revealed herself in the pages of “Sunday Styles”: “Mediocrity terrifies me.”

• Tinsley Mortimer was revealed to be considering a reality show.

• And maybe that will actually happen since TV writers are still on strike.

• Roger Cohen of the Times discovered the dashing Raffaello Follieri. “When I was a correspondent in Italy in the 1980s, Roberto Calvi played that game. He ended up hanging from Blackfriars Bridge in London.” Um. Okay.

• Steve Florio died.

• Heidi Klum got sued by Van Cleef and Arpels.

• Septuagenarian Sean Connery has filed six lawsuits against his septuagenarian neighbor over renovations in their Upper East Side townhouse; last week, a judge barred him from filing any more.

We’re Back!