early and often

Albany Can’t Stop Thinking About David Paterson’s Sex Life


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Officials in Albany have had about enough of David Paterson’s sex life. First there was Lila. Then there was Diane, and April, and today there is Luisa. They can’t keep these women straight! They are too titillated by his multiple conquests and seemingly insatiable sexual appetite! “The paramour guessing game has also preoccupied legislative staffers and lobbyists, who say they can’t recall another time when Albany seemed so loopy,” the Sun says today. While Paterson may have believed that his confessions about his infidelities would “boost his immunity” to future sex scandals,
“the vaccine, however, may have been too strong.” Now a fever is sweeping the capital, and something must be done! “Clearly his ability to do the state’s business is compromised the longer this goes on,” Baruch College politics professor Doug Muzzio tells the Sun. That’s right, dude. Clearly, it is his ability that is compromised. How can anyone conduct state business when all we he thinks about is breasts and legs and skin rubbing up against smooth, smooth skin? It’s an outrage.

Albany Starts To Wonder at Paterson [NYS]

Albany Can’t Stop Thinking About David Paterson’s Sex Life