Barack takes the stage to wild, insane applause. Ever heard the expression “rooster in a henhouse”? It’s like that. “I am surrounded by women,” he says. Ha-ha; he’s so charming! Joy giggles, nervously pushes back hair.
11:23: Joy: “I understand you are related to Brad Pitt?” Bats lashes.
Obama (modestly): “Well, he got the better-looking side of the gene pool.”
Barbara: “I shouldn’t say this, but we think you are very sexy-looking.” Ew. No, Barbara, no, you shouldn’t have said that. Whoopi is mortified.
11:25: “Let’s get serious now,” Barbara says, and asks a decent question someone has written for her. “When Don Imus was fired for his comments about the Rutgers team, you said, ‘Nobody on my staff would still be working for me if they made a comment like that about anyone in any ethnic group.’”
11:26: Obama starts out by saying the reverend is retired, then goes on about his church and how he’s been going for twenty years and didn’t have a research team on Reverend Wright and says that basically the reverend was a victim of his own ignorance and that the church is “a wonderful, welcoming place.… If you went, you would feel right at home.” Whoopi looks skeptical. “You would see people talking about Jesus and mercy and sin and—”
Elizabeth: “And forgiveness!” She is such a teacher’s pet. Whoopi rolls her eyes practically.
11:28: Barbara realizes he hasn’t actually answered her question and tries to pull an answer out of him, but Elizabeth interrupts to gush about how awesome his speech at the Democratic National Convention was and how This Republican was ready to vote for him. “When you talked about One America, it captivated so many, and you transcended party lines,” she says. Blah blah blah blah. Ew, this is embarrassing.
Obama: “It was a pretty good speech.” Laughter! Ha-ha; he’s so charming. Elizabeth finally gets to some point about Reverend Wright and Obama goes into his speech again, which is, by the way, the same speech as he gave in Philadelphia, and the camera pans out, and it’s clear no one cares what he is saying because everyone is staring at his big brown eyes. Except Joy, who looks like maybe she is thinking about whether or not it’s okay for her to have bread at lunch.
11:35(ish we had to rewind the DVR): Commercials for a domestic-abuse program, local news, and tampons.
11:39: Whoopi rouses herself and asks Obama, if he becomes president, what three things will he do first. He says he will call in the joint chiefs of staff and the whole security apparatus and tell them to begin a withdrawal from Iraq. This is a bold-faced lie. The first thing he would do is roll around on that crazy rug on the floor of the Oval Office. Wouldn’t anyone? The second thing he says he will do is give every American health care. Everyone in the audience claps, like, yay! We can get our goiters removed!
11:40: Okay, she probably doesn’t know she is doing it, but Barbara is looking straight at his crotch.
11:42: Then Obama starts talking about the energy crisis, which he will totally solve also on his first day in office. Everyone nods like they know what the hell he is talking about until he finishes. He looks like he is going to add a fourth thing, but then Joy comes to life and asks a question. They had John Kerry on, she says, and she had said to him that it’s going to be a lot of pressure. “Will you be able to withstand the pressure machine?” she had asked. And he said yes. “And then he got Swift-boated, and, as you can see, he is not president,” she finished.
Obama: “I had noticed that, yes.” Swoon! He’s so funny. Anyway, so her question is, Can he deal with it? The answer is, Duh. “I’m skinny, but I’m tough,” he says. Swoon again!
11:46: So then Barbara asks if Michelle will sit in on cabinet meetings. Obama says no. “She doesn’t have a burning desire to do that,” he explains.
Whoopi: “You know what I have a burning desire to do right now?”
WHAT. OH, NO.
Thankfully, it’s just a commercial break. Swiffers, Kotex, Band-Aids, Ferro Rochers, Clearblue Easy, Caduet for high cholesterol.
11:49: And we’re back. Sherri tells Obama his speech changed her life; she was for Hillary, but now she’s not, and she wants to leave The View to campaign for him!
Oh, but not really.
So then she asks about how the campaign has gotten dirty. Obama says he doesn’t think it’s dirty per se, but that it is contentious because he and Hillary Clinton both have passionate supporters who sometimes say things they shouldn’t (cough, Samantha Power, cough). “Let’s face it: The media loves it when people say crazy things.”
That’s true; we do. As does everyone — don’t even get us started. “What I’m convinced of,” Obama says, “is that, when this is all over, the Democrats will come together behind a nominee they can be proud of, in the same way that I believe that after I beat John McCain” — here he is interrupted by WILD APPLAUSE (because people love it when candidates say crazy shit) that goes on for a while. “And after I beat John McCain,” he tries to continue. But then he either forgets what he was going to say, or more likely whatever the point was.
And, anyway, Elizabeth has a question she is dying to ask about the economy and, more importantly, her taxes, because apparently she is going broke supporting the other classes. He indicates that his plan on that front will be to make everyone happy. Yay! Applause.
Then it’s time for another set of commercials (the Olive Garden, deli meats). And sad: Obama must go. Wild applause!
Swoons: 6 at the home of Daily Intel, 478 in the studio audience
Funny jokes made by Obama: 3
Questions asked: 5
Questions answered: approximately 2 1/2
Wild applause at the littlest thing: 5