Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Hot, Everything-But Guy: 26, male, Chelsea, gay, single.
DAY ONE
7:05 a.m.: Wake up an hour before alarm, ugh. I need to pee.
7:10 a.m.: Once the morning wood deflates, I climb down stairs from my loft bed, put on boxers, and scurry out of apartment into hallway to the shared bathroom.
7:45 a.m.: Making yummy omelette with hot peppers when I hear sounds of flip-flops flip-flopping from the hall. I look through the peephole with a clear view of hallway to the shared shower hoping for Hot Neighbor in apartment #4 or guy above me in #10. Nope, it’s just Cliff.
10:36 a.m.: Already daydreaming in the office. I start making mental checklist of items needed for date this weekend — hair product, tissues, wine, antibacterial wipes. I think about condoms and lube, although I have made a vow to abstain from sex for a year and two months. I should be prepared, though, right?
10:48 a.m.: Sent text to Date.
1:59 p.m.: Date texts me to say hi and solidify plans. Conversation is really fun and witty.
2 p.m.: I start to think about how cute and sweet he is. I bet he has a big weenie. Oops, get turned on with imaginary image of him naked, better stay seated for a minute.
8:15 p.m.: Salsa dance class with girlfriend is partially fun because there are several cute girls who think I’m hot. I’m definitely the best dancer, and it boosts my ego. I flirt back for fun.
DAY TWO
8:32 a.m.: Whack it. I was too tired last night. I pop in this free gay-bear DVD I won in some gay raffle the week before. Thankfully, not all bears.
5 p.m.: Send olive branch to Ex. We haven’t talked in more than a week, though we broke up two years ago but recently became BFFs. He’s mad that I tried to ask out a friend of his recently. I don’t get it.
6:15 p.m.: Rush hour on the subway. I get a seat. I’m tired — no pregnant or old ladies around but no attractive guys either. I have a bunch of crotches inches from my face, and I’m not happy about it, cruel world.
6:45 p.m.: Dinner time and I toss in a few hot peppers. I read that Hillary Clinton does that to keep her energy up during the campaign. Figured I’d try it.
8 p.m.: Consider giving up hot-pepper diet when I pee again and it burns a little. Does it burn when Hillary Clinton pees?
DAY THREE
7:30 a.m.: I wake up, use bathroom, and can hear Hot Neighbor from #4 having morning sex. Well, really just hear Hot Neighbor’s girlfriend — she is loud. Wish he were; it’s annoying hearing only her.
8:45 a.m.: Hot Neighbor passes by my peephole in nothing but a towel as he heads toward shower. I guess it’s slightly worth the annoyance of hearing them have sex all the time.
9 a.m.: I think about possibility of me and Date hooking up and our first one-on-one date tomorrow. Very excited, but still don’t know what’ll happen. Should I not trim? Should I jack off now so I won’t be as horny? Thing is, it’s easy to coax my dick into tricking my brain. Stay celibate, dammit!
9:05 a.m.: My mind wanders to ex. He still hasn’t written me. A couple months ago I would have done anything for him. I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore.
11:15 a.m. Date and I start another round of flirty e-mails and texts — this is fun!
3:25 p.m.: Date likes my e-mail I just sent and said it was the best of the day, and probably the week, and lists reasons. It makes me smile and kinda heats me up, even though there is nothing really overtly sexual about it. I feel like I just got a warm hug.
7:30 p.m.: At gym and jumping rope hard-core, and my face is burning; I think I am sweating out hot pepper! Makes me think about what else it’ll do to me. I don’t want to scare Date off with acidlike cum.
10 p.m.: Yoga. Almost done. We are doing savasana, and Flexible Muscle Guy next to me, whom I’ve barely met before in class, brushes my arm. It’s not an accident, as I look over and he smiles.
10:05 p.m.: Done. In locker room cute Spanish guy from class, who is coincidentally from apartment #10 in my building, asks if I go running. He wants a running partner.
10:06 p.m.: Flexible Muscle Guy throws a towel at me. What is this, are they flirting? I swear, I’ve never been hit on so much. I must be glowing from my communications with Date. Not interested in these two.
10:10 p.m.: I see Flexible Muscle Guy in steam room, act like I can’t see anything, and sit on the other side.
10:50 p.m.: Buy good lube.
12:15 a.m.: Skateboard to East Village to house-/dog-sit. I walk dog, test out lube, and go to bed.
DAY FOUR
8:30 a.m.: Yay, Friday!
1:34 p.m.: I am debating whether to e-mail Ex. Am I just asking for trouble and more drama?
9:15 p.m.: Date comes over. I offer wine before we head out. He meets the dog, and the dog likes him. Good sign.
10:15 p.m.: We go have intimate dinner in Cuban restaurant, we touch hands, I play with the hair on his arm — there is electricity between us. He asks about Ex. All electricity blacks out. I explain some of history but try to change subjects to get back on track.
12:20 p.m.: We go for a walk holding hands.
12:38 p.m.: Inside some cute bar we have drinks, we stroke each other’s legs, I smile because I say I am happy and he reaches over and kisses me. I melt.
12:52 p.m.: I explain my celibacy. He freaks out a little but then realizes I still want a relationship and that we are actually kind of aligned with how we want to approach this. He sincerely wants to go into this slow too.
2:20 a.m.: In the less crowded back room of some East Village gay bar, we smooch some more and rub each other. We have boners and notice it.
3 a.m.: We decide to spend the night together. As I get on top of him, he whispers “you’re dangerous.” We play around and grind and kiss and embrace still wearing our shorts and shirts. It is the hottest non-sex I have ever had!
4:45 a.m.: We shift positions every so often and get reignited waking up feeling each other’s hard-ons through the sheets and shorts. We spoon and hug and kiss, and it feels like pure happiness!
DAY FIVE
10:45 a.m.: We wake up smiling.
2 p.m.: After a full day of breakfast and thrift-store shopping together, I drop him off at the subway stop, kiss him good-bye and literally skip all the way back to my friend’s house.
4:09 p.m.: I consider jerking off but then decide to keep it from last night and let it all build up tonight if we get to it. Hoping I don’t get blue balls!
6:30 p.m.: Date and I meet up again, refreshed and in the new clothes we bought together earlier that day. He looks beautiful.
2 a.m.: Back at the place, this time we take off our shirts. We grind like crazy, and it is so hot rubbing each other and coming close to creaming, but we resist the temptation making us that much more aroused.
2:45 a.m.: We talk about making rules for the celibacy thing. I just think how tough this might be. It reminds me of the time I was on a cleansing diet and all of a sudden it felt like there was fried chicken all around me. I thought that was hard!
DAY SIX
11 a.m.: Alarm goes off in other room during really passionate grinding session, Date goes to switch it off, and I push him back down as we go at it even more intensely.
12:30 p.m.: I have major blue balls — it’s spread into blue abdomen — oof.
4:15 p.m.: Date leaves, I get naked, just think about him, and explode making a huge mess all over myself — ahhhhhhh…
4:30 p.m.: Just noticed hot peppers in fridge. Still curious but will save for later maybe. It’s hot enough!
DAY SEVEN
11:15 a.m.: Co-worker makes comment that I am glowing. I smile, knowing it’s because of new Boyfriend.
3: p.m.: I write note to Ex explaining how I thought he should know that I am really happy and dating an amazing guy. It finally feels like some closure.
7 p.m.: My head is in the clouds, and I forget to bring my sneakers to my dodgeball game. Still we are able to win one game. I catch game-winning ball!
9:35 p.m.: Guy from league hits on me. I happily deny him: “Sorry, I just met an amazing guy, and I think I’m in love!” I smile, feeling really good about telling anyone and everybody about how happy I am and how wonderful he is. I cannot wait for our date tomorrow!
Total: Six acts of dry-humping, three acts of masturbation, two burning sensations from eating hot peppers, and one arrow in the heart from Cupid’s bow.
