Earlier today we learned from the Post that Eliot Spitzer was out on the town yesterday with his wife, Silda, doing errands. This tiny peek into his life after the sex scandal has made us desperate to know more about what he’s up to. Luckily, we got our hands on a page from his appointment notebook*, and it’s very revealing. Read below:
12:30 p.m.: Put on suit and power tie.
*Obviously, this is a lie.
1:00 p.m.: Check in to see what John and Marlena are up to.
1:30 p.m.: Practice walking briskly down the hallway of apartment. Nod to imaginary passersby. Rehearse “I’m too busy to worry about what I know that you’re thinking about me” expression. If a reminder is necessary, look at photo of Gary Condit taped to the mirror.
2:00 p.m.: Call old office at Paul Weiss. Ask to take the hiring partner to lunch again. This time, offer to wear disguise at the table.
2:30 p.m.: On the way to therapy, stop by grocery store. Out of bologna. Get the Oscar Meyer kind, it’s thicker. On second thought, pick up after therapy.
3:30 p.m.: Clean boogers off underside of coffee table. Should have never invited Albany staff into the apartment.
4:00 p.m.: Watch Oprah. Pick up the phone to return her call, but put receiver back down. Instead call David Paterson and give crisis-management advice. The Days Inn? Really? Also, give tips on Sheldon Silver’s weak spot, specifically the one right between his chin and Adam’s apple.
4:30 p.m.: Pour Scotch.
5:00 p.m.: Go get the paper. USA Today won’t have any Spitzer stories, stick with that.
5:30 p.m.: Have another Scotch.
6:00 p.m.: Call Silda, ask if you can come over for dinner. This time, offer to wear a disguise at the table.
6:30 p.m.: Make a Lean Cuisine. The Thai kind, it tastes less like a foot.
7:00 p.m.: Watch a Seinfeld rerun.
7:30 p.m.: Go out for a minute and treat yourself: It’s Chiffon Mint day at Tasti-D!
8:00 p.m.: While out, pick up microwave Kettle Corn. The low-fat kind. Also, make sure there’s enough Chardonnay in the house. Tonight might be the night Silda comes by to pick up the rest of her Hermès scarves.
8:30 p.m.: Do sit-ups and push-ups. Measure chest.
9:00 p.m.: Nice long shower. Change into bathrobe.
9:30 p.m.: Working Girl on TBS!
11:30 p.m.: Call Silda. Leave a nonchalant message.
12:00 a.m.: Call again, twice. Both times, hang up before the beep.
12:30 a.m.: Go to bed.
1:00 a.m.: Read last night’s dream diary.