We’re worried about Gwyneth Paltrow. She’s always kind of hate-loved fame, taking total advantage of the perks of being a celebrity while trash-talking it every chance she got. And fine. Maybe that’s how she assuaged her guilt in being part of the celebrity-industrial complex. But now, Gwyneth seems to have taken her self-consciousness to a new level, telling British Glamour that she will never, ever go anywhere with her husband, Chris Martin. Anywhere. Ever. “You will never see us out publicly,” she explains. “We just don’t want to be one of those couples.” Wait, what? What kind of couple don’t they want to be? The kind that go out together in public? Is this really how you fool yourself into thinking you have a normal life? Cripes. And to think, we’ll probably have to wait like twenty years for Sean Preston Federline to grow up and open the Spears Center for the Treatment of Fame Disorders, whereupon these poor souls will at last get the treatment they’ve deserved for so long. So sad.