Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards Remind Us How Glad We Are Not to Live in L.A.

Charlie Sheen Denise Richards

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Friends of Charlie Sheen refuted his ex-wife Denise Richards’s claim that she did her E! reality show to make money for the couple’s kids, noting that Sheen actually gives her $52,000 a month in child support as well as a cut of his sitcom earnings. (Sheen has also produced e-mails that claim that Richards asked him for a sperm donation post-breakup so she could have another kid, though she says they’re fake. This is a classy story!) Derek Jeter may be wining and dining Friday Night Light hottie Minka Kelly. Mariah Carey hung out on the set of her recent Elle photo shoot with husband Nick Cannon and an assistant who made her protein shakes. Sigourney Weaver wants an “energy-producing windmill” on her apartment and a communal garden with “a cow and everything.”

Michelle Trachtenberg supposedly refuses to talk about any of her female Gossip Girl castmates in real life because she is a bitch. Gina Gershon and P.S. I Love You co-star Jeffrey Dean Morgan got cozy at Libation on Ludlow. Ashton Kutcher celebrated his five-year anniversary with Wilmer Valderrama and Audrina Patridge at his restaurant Dolce. Zach Braff checked into the Bowery Hotel with ugly luggage. Whitney Port, Alex Rodriguez, and Maggie Rizer are all expected in the Hamptons this weekend for various parties. Mick Jagger groped a girl on a yacht in Cannes in front of his oblivious girlfriend, L’Wren Scott. For some reason, paparazzi refused to take Petra Nemcova’s picture at Wyclef Jean’s “Together for Haiti” charity event, instead opting to snap Paul Simon. Former Rolling Stone and New York publisher Joe Armstrong jokingly wore a button on his lapel at a book party that featured an image of John McCain and President Bush hugging under the words “Four More Years!” 60 Minutes correspondent Lesley Stahl may or may not have used the word “pussy” during her commencement speech at Jesuit school Loyola College. Rumors are flying that the marriage between Ivana Trump and Rossano Rubicondi has already hit the rocks because the couple skipped their honeymoon and then a bunch of jet-set parties they were supposed to attend. Syndicated conservative radio host Michael Savage sleazily played a song by the Dead Kennedys that he said was out of “respect” for cancer-stricken Ted Kennedy. Nightclub owner JE Englebert has offered to buy Lindsay Lohan a new mink coat and settle her theft lawsuit, but Lohan’s rep dismissed the offer because she says if Lindsay did take the coat, it was a “mistake.” While reflecting on Memorial Day, Cindy Adams says that she thinks “everyone should serve. I don’t believe in a volunteer armed forces.”

Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards Remind Us How Glad We Are Not to Live in L.A.