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Broadway Bares: ‘All the Sincerity of Clay Aiken’s Paternity Test’

Julie White Broadway Bares

Julie White and a dancer backstage last night.Photo: Getty Images

Last night at Roseland Ballroom, Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS put on two performances of its annual Broadway Bares burlesque show. For their eighteenth year, producer Jerry Mitchell and director Denis Jones (both of whom were shirtless by the end of the evening) chose an Alice in Wonderland theme. In general, Bares is an exercise in self-loathing: Broadway dancers have the kinds of bodies that only cover models for Maxim and Men’s Health should possess. But nestled in between countless exposed buttocks and bedazzled pasties were a satisfying number of hilarious celebrity cameos (not even including George Wendt, who was in the audience). Nathan Lane and Andrea Martin took the stage as Cheshire cats, and The Little Dog Laughed Tony winner Julie White appeared as the Mock Turtle. “Hey Caterpillar,” she cried, kicking off a line we are definitely going to use the next time we run into our high-school nemesis. “I’ve got a present for you. It’s a coupon, good for one fucking of yourself.” “This has all the sincerity of Clay Aiken’s paternity test,” moaned Lane, lampooning one of Broadway’s own. But our favorite part was most definitely South Pacific star Matthew Morrison’s turn as Humpty Dumpty. Starting out in a fat suit, he ended his dance number nearly naked, break-dancing. What can we say? The guy can sing, dance, act, and strip. Forget the Tony. Get this man a Nobel Prize.

Broadway Bares [Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS]

Broadway Bares: ‘All the Sincerity of Clay Aiken’s Paternity Test’