Hey, Vanity Fair! What’s going on? How’s life? Seems like it must be going pretty well: Your daily Website is up and running, and you’ve got cool interactive features like — wait, what’s this? Oh, man. You guys. C’mon. “Blogopticon?” Is that what we’re calling it these days? It’s okay, don’t run away from us! You’re Vanity freaking Fair, so look us in the eye and let’s talk about this. Yeah, you know it: You made an Approval Matrix for blogs! And okay, we suppose we’re flattered or whatever, but not one of our blogs — not us, not Vulture or the Cut or Grub Street — is on it. WTF? But then we realized that we shouldn’t be mad, because really it’s a matter of something being way off with you guys. And that’s OKAY, really! Feelings aren’t right or wrong, they just are, you know? So let’s talk about why you’re hurting right now.
Are you still mad about that time that we stole Jessica Coen? Or that we made fun of Graydon Carter’s persnicketiness about the Waverly Inn seating chart? Because, you know, we would understand if you were. But you could have just talked to us instead of, like, acting out in this way. Because — and we hate to be the ones to tell you this, after everything else we’ve said — it kind of looks a little bit … awkward. From one Approval Matrix to another, we’re worried about you.