Al “Non-Stick” Sharpton has managed to evade prosecution in a federal probe of his tax practices. The IRS had been looking into the records of his National Action Network, which owed millions to the government, and into accusations that the group had extorted donations from large corporations in exchange for not protesting them. They’ve dropped both probes in exchange for Sharpton’s vow that he would pay between $2 and $9 million in back taxes. As the Daily News puts it: “Bottom line: Sharpton gets a huge, hearty laugh at the expense of his large and vocal chorus of critics and accusers.”
Hm, yeah. Did you like how we tried to do a tabloid thing there at the beginning with the “No Stick” middle name? It didn’t really work. But on the whole, we think more people should have tabloid monickers. Like Tricia “Terrifying Eyeliner” Walsh-Smith, Christie “The Dermatological Miracle” Brinkley, or Alex “Unusually Orange” Rodriguez. We could even give ones to ourselves! Like, Jessica “My Husband Is on the New York Times Best-Seller List and I’m Not Even Bitter” Pressler. And Chris “Why Won’t Anderson Cooper Call Me Even Though I Desperately Try to Get His Attention Every Day Through My Blog” Rovzar. There’s a ring to them, no?